It Could Make You Blind...And Worse.

This is the kind of crap I wonder about in the dead of night...3 a.m. to be precise. It probably has to do with being raised in the South and forced to attend Sunday School and church EVERY Sunday, and being told by an almost illiterate person of the cloth, who spoke through his nose, that my skinny young ass was probably...no...was for sure, going to burn in Hell forever...FOREVER. And me, having just discovered at age twelve, Mary Lou Graham, sitting in the pew in front of me, and tight short shorts...and...that I had a do-hickey thingy down there, that was also for pleasure, not just relief...being told that THAT was primarily the reason...THE reason for the burning...forever. I'm thinking at the time that that is a bit severe...how about just striking me blind, would that work? Nope. FOREVER! BURN, BABY

That's a long damned time...forever. A longer time than it will take for our children to pay off all the free money being printed for our distressed bankers and CEOs at this very moment. FUCKING FOREVER. BURNING. No chance of rolling over and putting it out, just flat out non-stop burning. God almighty I can smell my buns and thingy on fire at this very moment...just relating it to you. No vestal virgins for me in the hereafter...just eternal, hell fire...and a cindered, useless thingy.

So, here I am quite a few years later with this shit embedded in my brain, no matter how hard I work at shedding it, and in the wee hours my thoughts sometimes turn to God...humanity and Mary Lou...and our need to avoid hellfire by living a clean life...and above all, not masturbating...even though I don't believe one damned word of it!

This is what perplexes me (besides the vestal virgin thing.) Back in the olden days of God, people occasionally went astray from worshiping the one and only and did evil things like...Sodom and the Mora place...and coveting...and dishonoring...and blasphemy...and whacking off, not to mention murder, thievery, making golden bulls, and downright fucking meanness. So, when these atrocities occurred, and God saw it, what did he do? He sent pestilence, big flying bugs to eat the wheat, boils, and above all...he spoke. He spoke to his representative here on Earth...usually a guy with a beard...but never a woman. He spoke and told the rep what the deal was going to be if HIS people didn't fly right. And the people straightened their asses out. They flew right. Time and again, humanity was saved from itself because Jehozefat SPOKE.

It is apparent to me and it may be apparent to you that here we are in the 21st Century, warring, whoring, fighting, killing, drugging, making excessive profits, ignoring our starving brethren, fucking the next guy and gal, polluting the atmosphere, dumping waste into our water, ignoring the sick, not providing for the young, shoving our elders aside, allowing maniacs to kill others in our name, killing others of a different religion in the name of God, consuming goods beyond reason, and masturbating. And why is God not speaking? Because my childhood nasal speaking pastor was wrong...God is not going to save us.

Ballgame

As much as I don't like to do this (mainly because I don't want to get sued), I borrowed this article from boingboing.net. This is not really very funny, except of course, the guy loses his balls. Which on a lower humor level is sort of funny. I hope I've not reduced this blog to that category...but, hey, get your laughs where you can, my proctologist always says.

Really folks, this is truly tragic. Think about it...your dad decides to de-ball you at age eight. You have no say so regards the matter. Your voice never changes and...you prefer probably anything rather than sex, for the rest of your life. Plus, to add insult to your ballessness, it turns out to be for naught...and then later when you are middle-aged, some crazies decide you are a symbol of all that is wrong with the world. Your life is in danger, and to protect you, your sibs, toss out the two things that can complete you on your journey to the next level.

A classic tragedy, in the Greek sense.

Barbara Demick of The LA Times reports on Sun Yaoting, China's last living eunuch (Left, standing with his biographer, Jia Yinghua).

In 1911 when he was eight years old, his father castrated him with a razor in preparation of "an imperial life of riches." It didn't qute work out as his father had hoped.

After the Communists came to power in 1949, Sun and other surviving eunuchs were despised as freakish symbols of the feudal past. He was nearly killed during the Cultural Revolution in the late 1960s, and his siblings were so fearful of persecution that they threw away his bao, or treasure: the severed genitals that eunuchs kept pickled in a jar so they could be buried as complete men.

It was not until the final years of his life that Sun was recognized as a rare living repository of history. A biography based on hours of interviews in the years before his death in 1996 was recently translated into English. The book arrives as a museum dedicated to eunuchs, built around the tomb of a 16th century eunuch, is undergoing a major expansion. It is scheduled to reopen in May.

I am trying to envision this museum...and it's exhibits.

First Award

Time for B of C's First Monthly "Head Up My Arse" Award.

The first recipient of the award is Joe Godlewski of Cresaptown, Md. Joe is unhappy with TV chefs using and reccommending so much of "that Kosher Salt". Taking matters into his own hands, Joe is marketing sea salt, blessed by an Episcopalian Priest. Joe said to himself, "I said, 'What the heck's the matter with Christian salt?'"

By next week, his trademarked Blessed Christians Salt will be on the market.

Joe, a retired barber, makes it clear that this is not anti-Semitism at work...he states, "There's no anti-Semitism. I love Jesus Christ and he was a Jew. I'll bet some of his best friends are too. "This is about keeping Christianity in front of the public so that it doesn't die. I want to keep Christianity on the table (hardy har har...pun intended), in the household, however I can do it." If the salt takes off, Godlewski plans an entire line of Christian-branded foods, including rye bread, bagels and pickles.

Rabbi Sholem Fishbane, who is kosher administrator for the Chicago Rabbinical Council, says, marketing Christian salt as an alternative to kosher salt reflects, at best, ignorance about Jewish dietary laws. He said all salt is inherently kosher because it occurs naturally and requires little or no processing. Certified kosher foods are not blessed by rabbis but examined by them to ensure that the food and its processing conform with biblical passages regarding food preparation and consumption.

Way to go Joe, you definitely deserve the award. Except, since it was blessed by an Episcopalian, where does that leave Baptists, Methodists, Presbyterians, Catholics, Seventh Day Adventists, Lutherans, Holy Rollers, Fundamentally Whatsits, and all those other fine Christian denominations...regards salt, that is. Are they covered (as it were) by this?