Monday, February 2, 2009

Ground that hog!

Official Groundhog Handler Bill Deeley holds Punxsutawney Phil up for the crowd on Gobblers Knob in Punxsutawney, PA on Wednesday. Phil immediately saw his shadow after emerging from his hole...Phil's hole, not Bill's hole. According to tradition, founded on old German superstition, this means that we will have 6 more weeks of Winter.


Ok, I am sick of Winter. I am also sick of Phil. Who gave this silly, bloated groundhog the right to decide how much longer Winter is to last? He's all cozy and fat down there in his hole, and I am sure cuddled up with some tawdry female off his February residuals...drinking bonded fermented acorn cider and laughing his ass off at the stupid humans. That means you and me dudes and duettes.

Well, enough oakbreath!

One of the following actions needs to be taken, immediately, to insure that I not have to scrape ice from my windshield again for the next eleven months. I am calling on somebody in the State of Pennsylvania to please have a bit of sympathy for the rest of us, and drive down/up/over to Punxsutawney, and do one of the following:

- Fill in Phil's hole.
- Put a hole in Bill's silly hat.
- Tar and Feather the fools in the background of the photo above, who are SMILING...even after having been given the results!
- Give the hat to the groundhog and stuff Bill into the hole.
- Bludgeon the groundhog, skin it and make it into a fur hat for Bill...who will be
required to wear it in addition to a scarlet "G" on his forehead for the rest of

We have to stop this annual travesty on Gobbled Knob, NOW!


SunTiger said...

Someone should have kicked Phil in the ice-hole! {Longer winter, my my!}

jadedj said...

Sun---So, there we more excellent possibility. Very punny!

Dr Zibbs said...

Dumbest holiday ever.

jadedj said...

Dr---Yes. And to think we totally ignore Global Belly Laugh Day, January 24.

Doug said...

Isn't Gobbled Knob a delicacy for certain street corner denizens...?

jadedj said...

Doug---Yes, I believe you are correct. But in Punxsutawney? OK, maybe especially in Punxsutawney. Thanks for clearing this up.

Steve said...

Nobody loves gobbling knob more than Pennsylvanians.

(sorry, had to be said.....GO DEVILS!)

jadedj said...

Steve---Whoa, wait. Then there's that knob hilly thing way out there in...SF. I mean that's major league gobble knobble.

theredhead said...

Why all the hate for the groundhog? He is just doing what groundhogs do. He doesn't bring the weather.
Eh, I agree with my supervisor who said, "We live in Chicago. 6 Weeks is optimistic."

jadedj said...

theredhead---Bah, humbug. Actually, it's not so much the hog as it is, Bill.

Your supervisor is a wise man who has accepted his fate. I am a fool of a dreamer who refuses to accept that I am in Nebraska...not Tahiti.