Saturday, December 5, 2009

Pull Down Your Pants...Do It!

NOTICE-THIS IS AN EQUAL OPPORTUNITY TONGUE-IN-CHEEK BLOG.

We have a toilet plunger part that breaks repeatedly about every six months. Basically it's the chain that attaches to the lever and plunger. It happened again yesterday. Of course the problem is, one can't simply replace the defective part, because stores don't carry them. One has to BUY the entire fixture. And we all know what that's about. Corporate greed. The bottom line. The "you dumb ass turd, why are you trying to fix it...BUY A NEW ONE" principle of commerce. The Anglo-Sino trickle up business theory. YOU know what I am talking about.

So, not to beat a dead damned irritating horse, but this fixture in my toilet is but one of a long line of Chinese products, which are inferior, and are prone to breakage. I blogged, a few months ago, about this Oriental proclivity of pumping out crap merchandise for the American Market...and it is difficult to find products that ARE NOT made in China. However, I have no more to say regards this sloppy MoFo attitude of theirs...for now.

Last night I was lamenting on the phone to my brother, who lives in the land of perpetual wonderfulness, Southern California (with his naturalized Chinese wife), about my toilet chain problem. He suggested that I do away with the chain and go get a fishing leader of appropriate length and use that instead of the chain. Great idea.

Unfortunately at this time of the year, the only place to find such an item out here on the plain Plains, is at that epitome of evilness and corporate greed, not to mention the largest purveyor of shoddy Chinese products IN THE ENTIRE WORLD...Wal-Mart.

Yes I gave in, and tossed my moral convictions. I found a 9" fishing leader which when doubled back on itself, fits perfectly on my toilet plunger. I purposely DID NOT look to see where it was manufactured. Ahem.



I wanted to relay this story visually and of course, as I did with my urinal post of months ago, I Googled toilets, image tab. And came up with some interesting photos.

This first one is Toilet Mountain. Discarded toilets, I know not where, but given the amount of crapola from our elected officials these days, I suspect it's outside of Washington...as in D.C.



My favorites however are from our former foe of infamy, Japan. I never realized that the crapper which we Westerners know, and use so well, is not universal. Evidently in some parts of the Orient the crapper (of John fame) is but a hole. Not even a rectangular U.S. Army type latrine in the woods hole, a hole. Although they have expounded on the basic hole...albeit, it still requires squatting, but still, refined. To illustrate, the following is offered in case any of you ever travel to Jaypan (Alabama pronunciation). Beyond this, I have nothing else to offer.













OK, just in case you didn't get that, there is this:



REMEMBER...if you lose balance...you gonna fall down on shit!

ADDENDUM -
As walking man points out in his comment below, the Japanese also go to the other extreme with their feces deposit system.

I just happen to have a photo of something not quite as he describes, but definitely a variation on a theme. My brother got the equivalent of a doctorate over the years in just such circumstances, except of course, he was reading...as opposed to playing Mario Brothers.

29 comments:

Mr. Charleston said...

WHAT?

jadedj said...

Mr. C---What? You don't understand do it...or, you gonna fall down on shit?

jadedj said...
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jadedj said...

In C's defense. For some reason, this post was posted after I entered the title. He couldn't read the body of the post because it wasn't there yet.

Let's wait for his response now that it is actually posted. I am baited with waiting.

Elizabeth said...

The more we know!

Lou said...

" I never realized that the crapper which we Westerners know, and use so well, is not universal." Are you for real jj or are you taking the piss? Most of the world thinks our toilets are disgusting things as you actually have to put your butt down where someone else has put theirs previously.

Elizabeth said...

Just one more thing: that exclamation point after Do It -- is it really necessary? I mean, does it really work for people to issue and receive orders in this situation?

I would say that, from my experience (very limited and largely imaginary), being ordered to Do It! would likely have the opposite effect on most human beings, introducing fear and/or inhibition instead of relaxation necessary to execute the physiological function in question.

Threatening a person with dire consequences, if his/her maneuvers were not performed correctly, seems counterintuitive as well in this case. It only adds stress to already stressful circumstances.

Because, as my (imaginary) Aunt Edna used to say, When you have to go, you have to go -- and who gives a crap?

BTW, the toilet mountain is impressive. I'm guessing it's not biodegradable, so it will likely still be here long after we all are gone. Imagine beings from other galaxies visiting Earth, discovering the mountain, and trying to figure out its purpose, as well as the meaning of the strange devices in it. A primitive worship site perhaps? A place of sacrifice, full of bones (skulls maybe?) of the strange creatures that once inhabited this planet?

Inspiring. ;)

the walking man said...

It is not a toilet plunger dude. The plunger is what is needed when you have deposited a particularly large load and used an unusually huge wad of paper to wipe remnants of said load off your ass, which plugs the stink trap molded into the stool portion of the toilet.

The proper name for the broken part is: chain, flapper valve. But don't confuse this with a rather baudy woman of the Roaring twenties.

The old lady used to fix ours using twist ties but I finally just gave her an appropriate length of American made motorcycle chain and have not had a problem since.

Yes the Japanese still shit in a hole in the floor but at the same time they also sell a $4000 toilet complete with seat that washes your rectum and blows warm air up your ass to make it easier to take the cost of the toilet.

Bob said...

I'm too old to change toilets!

Mr. Charleston said...

WHAT!

intelliwench said...

I hate to admit it, but another advantage to living in Bubbaville* is that we don't have the population to support an Evil Empire Mart of our own. If I were facing your conundrum, J, I could either go the conventional route, and visit the local plumbing supply store, or I could go to TNT Outdoors, our one-stop shop for all our hunting and fishing needs. Of course, in compliance with local custom, neither of those establishments is open on Sundays or Wednesdays, so we have to plan our plumbing and game-killing activities accordingly.

(*You thought I was gonna say that we didn't have flush toilets here, didn't you?)

Mango Girl said...

Note to self: don't travel to Jaypan anytime soon.

I happen to be fond of the comfortable toilets we have here in the states. Another thing I will add to my list of things to not take for granted.

Harlequin said...

loved the tower of toilets, or rather, the mountain... and the illustrations were.... illuminating. Actually, in other areas of Japan, you can find truly remarkable and luxurious toilets, it is quite a business and obsession in may regions.
and I will definitely use the fishing leader solution... it is also a problem here in the wild cold north of Canada
great tongue in cheek humor, as usual... ( not that cheek!!! )

Doug said...
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Doug said...

That's "replaced" a chain. I have relaced plenty of shoes, though.

Doug said...

I give up. Google and/or Blogger is fucking up, and I'm going away now. I tried to remove the comment with the misspelled word, and Blogger kept telling me to log in and then would not log me in. When I made a new comment, it did the same thing, and then let me in, where I found my comment HAD been deleted.

Any fucking way, here's the original comment, with misspelled word:

I have never relaced a chain, but I have had to reinstall them over the years.

If I ever get to Japan, I won't take a crap. I'll save it for the flight home and release it somewhere over the ocean...

Kulkuri said...

The mountain of broken toilets reminds me of an episode of 'Dirty Jobs' where he worked at grinding the broken toilets up to recycle them.

Someone once told me about being over in the Middle East and inspecting new housing for Americans that had been built by Koreans and other nationalities. The toilets were installed so close to the wall that one would have to sit on it sidesaddle to use it.

jadedj said...

Elizabeth---Knowledge is power. Ok, maybe not.

Lou---Two things...don't touch the seat with your posterior...try hovering (this is the method used in good American Republican households). Also, you should know...I just reports 'em as I finds 'em :)

Elizabeth---Agreed. But, see my second notation to Lou above.
As to future alien visitations...at the rate we are going, there will be no planet to visit.

wm---thanks for the clarification...I was awake most of the night wondering if a rose by any other name is REALLY a rose.

If my brother's idea fails, I will definitely consider a motorcycle chain...or a Japanese hole on the ground.

See my addendum above which is the direct result of your Japanese toilet knowledge.

Bob---don't change toilets...change seats.

Mr. C---is that explanation mark really necessary?

intell---What? You DO have flush toilets? Also, I am equally impressed that you have plumbing supply stores that sell fishing leaders.

What's with the Wednesday thing?

Mango Girl---Cross Vietnam off your list also.

Harlequin---I knew someone was going to mention cheek. My brother will be thrilled to learn that his idea has gone international.

Doug---

Doug---I would have gone with relaced.

Doug---Huh? No, actually I have experience your sign-in pain as well. Not to mention, missing blog posts.
Please let me know when that flight is. I will be sure to NOT take an ocean voyage at that time.

Kulkuri---I wondered about that. Seems to me that the materials could be recycled.
The Korean built bathrooms sound like my bathroom.

Punch said...

What?
is this yesterday?
or is it was this yesterday?) Where is an intellegent wench when you need one?

buddy can you spare a buck.

I seem to be a little light.

OH!!shit or get of the pot. (not that)

Simon said...

My first job, over thirty years ago, was at a plumbers and builders merchants, and I remember in one of the catalogues was a ‘squatting toilet’ – and made by a British manufacturer too.

Sadly you’re right about replacing parts. It’s something that’s increased a great deal over the last couple of decades. Partly greed, as you say, and partly convenience – dealers not keeping large stocks of minor items that may not be sold.

jadedj said...

Punch---In Punch's world...yes.

Obviously avoiding you.

A buck will get you 1/2 of a coke.

Har har...no comment.

Excrete or get off the hole in the ground, is preferred on this blog.

Simon---Well there is something to be said for them, no chains to break.

What you say about on-hand inventory is probably true...however, I had an experience a couple of weeks ago that I still can't believe. My garage door opener's arm bracket that attaches the motor at the top of the door, broke. I climbed up near the motor and determined that it was a Sears model...dated 1961! I thought for sure I was going to have to buy a new opener. Being the cheap scrooge that I am, I went on line anyway to the Sears parts website, typed in the part number, and YES, they still had this part...in stock...for 48 YEARS.

I've owned this house for 5 years, and I am not sure if the part that broke is the original part or not, but I am confident that it WAS NOT made in China.

mo.stoneskin said...

Oi, I never said you could publish a photo of my garden.

Those Japanese toilets look like they could double up as fantastic toboggans.

Holte Ender said...

In the 60s I was traveling around France and Spain, pulling into a gas station to use the bathroom was a major ordeal. I don't think the word "bathroom" really applies, you would enter a room, put your feet on two size fourteen footprints, grab hold of a handle and lower yourself down over a hole. No need for flapper valves, chains, fishing line, just courage.

jadedj said...

mo---and what a loverly garden it is.
Toboggan down used toilet hill?

Holte---A bit like the army sans handles. Basically a long trench and extremely awkward.
I never considered it an act of courage, but now that you mention it...

Mr. Charleston said...

Squatting over a toilet is natural, and as you illustrate, much cheaper and a lot less hassle.

jadedj said...

C, truth is, regardless of method, it all works out in the end . There, I got it out of my system.

Mr. Charleston said...

Nuff said.

chessie said...

Did y'all happen to notice how the little cartoon dude was SMILING with the caption that says:"or, you gonna fall down on shit?"

Those Japanese sure get an evil pleasure thinking of us Westerners falling in their shit....

jadedj said...

cheesie---possibly they know something we don't? Hey, thanks for stopping by...please come again :)