Sunday, September 25, 2011

A moment of truth

"I am not a good American...I prefer to form my own opinions" - George Carlin

My oldest daughter's high school is in a residential neighborhood. I was parked and waiting for her to get out of school on Friday, when I noticed an older man in a yard of a corner house about a quarter block from my parking place. He had a dog on a leash and the dog was doing that circle thing they do, before they do do. I am not sure why they (dogs) do that round about thing, which usually involves about six or seven complete circles. I suppose it just has to be the exact right spot, which the dog finds with his sniffer.

The man was pulling hard on the dog, but the dog was persistent, and finally squatted. I happen to know that is is not the person who lives in this house...not this guy's yard, that is.

We have a law here that requires dog owners to carry a plastic bag and clean up their dogs poo poo. Sure enough, the guy pulled out a plastic bag. The dog sat contentedly. I looked away for a minute or so, and then back and damn, he was on his knees with the bag. The man was TRYING to do the right thing...clean up his dog's shit from a stranger's yard.

Then I noticed that the dog had not only a leash, but one of those handle things on it's back. The dog was a seeing eye dog! The guy was blind and on his knees groping and trying to find the dog shit!

I thought to myself, JJ, you need to go over there and help the guy...SHEEEEEEEIT...THAT DAMNED CONSCIENCE OF MINE! Maybe the guy had on plastic gloves as well, and wasn't really getting dog shit on his hands. Or maybe the guy had a nose as sensitive as his dog's...I mean, after all, he is blind and the other senses become better honed to compensate for the lack of sight. I mean...he doesn't need me. Seriously.

This was one of those liberal, help your fellow man philosophy moments. Shit or git, as it were. Put up or shut up, JJ.

Fortunately for ol JJ, the guy stood and tied a knot in the bag...grabbed the handle on the dog's back thing, and the dog led him away.

Jesus, if I believed in you I would thank you beJesus, because nothing smells worse than fresh dog dooky...unless it's cat dooky. I had a dog once that liked to eat cat dooky...but that's another tail HARHARHARHARHARHAR!

ADDENDUM: AN IDEA WHOSE TIME HAS COME:


Try putting that contraption on your pit bull, boys and girls!

46 comments:

PENolan said...

Cat Shit = Doggie Caviar
Part of God's Ineffable Plan

jadedj said...

Tricia---HA HA HA HA HA HAR! God knows, God knows what God is doing.

I love religious discussions, don't you?

Next week...the Nicene Creedence Revision.

intelliwench said...

It's these deep philosophical posts that keep me coming back, jj. You were being tested that day, I believe.

Doug said...

You weren't blind to the man's difficulty, JJ; you wouldn't have left that man doggedly searching, not being able to pack up his shit and git.

jadedj said...

intell---Thank you sista...and you are correct. I truly believe that. It is my faith that keeps me checking my yard for offending seeing eye dogs. Especially on mowing days. Now that is a five star stink encounter...when I miss finding them, I mean.

Doug---True. But then we will never really know the truth. Did I have the grit to bite that bullet? Or, would I have dodged it. Higher powers...or powers that were high, intervened, and I didn't have to make that decision.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

I'm sure you'll get some . . . wait for it . . . BROWNIE points for WANTING to help!

Truth 101 said...

My Dad refuses to go in my backyard, which doubles as the dog's outhouse, because he doesn't want to step in pile of "republican."

Jerry Critter said...

Dog Shit = Republicans

Cat Shit = Teabaggers

Jerry Critter said...

And then there is Santorum.

jadedj said...

D S W S---My wife keeps telling me the same thing.

Truth---Your dad is a wise man.

Jerry---Do you know Truth 101's dad?

Jerry---An after action kind of guy is the word on the streets.

jadedj said...

Doug---Btw, I didn't acknowledge the superb play of words on your part about a most foul subject. 5 star, dude!

Doug said...

Heh heh. I'm only sorry that horrible puns were the best I could doo doo.

Punch said...

There is nothing I can add.

jadedj said...

Doug---I take it back.

Punch---Wait...you have nothing to say? WTF?

Bella said...

hahahaha...dog caviar, its true you know...make me stop laffing!

and that doggie pooper attachment getup, holey shiz!

I do not own a dog, this is why.

Chimp said...

Crap! You almost dood-it!!! You almost defied the defacation. You almost excreted your liberality. You almost came face to face with feces. What a wasted waste. You watched it all from the poop deck!

jadedj said...

Chimp---No, I did not watch the Republican wannabes "debate" the other night.

Chimp said...

You didn't watch in order to decide what piece of shit can better defecate all over us?

Punch said...

So it hit me today at work. If the dog is a seeing eye, he should lead his master right up to the do and then bark or something to let him know it is right at his feet. the master's feet not the dog's The blind man mearly bends over finds the toe of his show and tada the pooper is scoopered. or something like that.

jadedj said...

Chimp---I'd rather watch a whole season of Bridezillas, which I abhor, vehemently, than watch that pack of whore hounds for even one minute.

Punch---Evidently pooch played hooky at obedience school that day.

Hold it...you were thinking about this at work today? Hmmmmmm.

YELLOWDOG GRANNY said...

I don't even know how this ended, I laughed so hard I fell out of my chair.

jadedj said...

YD G---It had a feel good ending...Dog does business...man finds dog shit...dog and man fade into the sunset.

BTW, I am certain they have one of those Poo Traps for cats, as well. Of course, getting it a cat may be even more dangerous than trying to get it on a pit bull.

Punch said...

it was a slow day.

jadedj said...

Punch---You must work for the guvment.

Chimp said...

We must get a giant government grant to manufacture a gadget that blind people could use to detect the exact location of the poop with a built-in automatic poopper scooper.
A Global Poop Locator Satellite (GPLS).

After writing the above, I wondered if there really was a GPLS already.

The anwswer I got was:


"The dogs are trained to go on command and go in a designated area with the owner being present. The dog owners puts their hand on the dogs back and simply follows the back down the back leg and feels for the poop, with a plastic bag on their hand."

the walking man said...

Dude you are supposed to pick the dog crap up not smell it first...though that does present an interesting picture of you.

the yellow fringe said...

Can we get one of those baggie halters to fit crazy uncle Eddy?

sue hanes said...

jadedj - We have two things in common that I chose from you profile:

Bach

and

'I could ramble on'

jadedj said...

Chimp---Does this work in a strange yard?

walking man---You lost me on that one.

yellow---That's crazy!

sue---You actually read that thing?

Punch said...

No! Wall Street!!
DrInk! dRiNK!!!
drink, rink
d
rink!!!!
DRINK!!!!

Tom Harper said...

I guess I stopped in too late. All the good puns are already taken.

Punch said...

DRINK!!!!!

jadedj said...

Punch---I take it that you didn't go straight home after work.

Tom---You saw some GOOD ones here?

Punch---And I take that as an affirmative.

WID YA, pal.

sue hanes said...

jadedj - Yeah, I did.

sue hanes said...

jadedj - Did I mention art, and The African Queen as common subjects of discussion?

But I really would like to know what you know about Bach.

jadedj said...

Sue---J.S. or P.D.Q.? In either case, I'll have to get Bach to you tomorrow ;-)

Punch said...

DRINK!!!

Harlequin said...

nice to see your generous large heartedness shining through.
and the commentary here is just damned inspiring.... and entertaining.

jadedj said...

Punch...DRUNK!

Harlequin---Only this lot could find humor in doggy fecalness.

Bella said...

golly gee, ain't we a special bunch?

Is everybody drunk?

jadedj said...

Bella---Just Punch.

BTW, the line, "DRINK!" is one repeatedly uttered by Father Jack on the old British sitcom, Father Ted.

Punch said...

Drink!!

Punch said...

Actually Harlequin is correct this is a shitty post.
Drink!
or not if that is your choice.

Father Ted is he still in the church? or is he running congress?

jadedj said...

Punch---Father Ted is up there with Barnum and Bailey.

squatlo said...

I'm as compassionate as any progressive out there, but I don't believe it would have ever gotten into my Recovering Catholic guilt system to pick up another man's dog's poop... You're to be commended for even considering the thought.

Now, an elderly blind WOMAN, on the other hand, might get me to think twice. I'm a sucker for the grandmother types... (and you could argue that you're doing it for the dog's self esteem... it's gotta be humilating to see your "Master" groping around for your last deposit.)
Good post...

jadedj said...

squatlo---Thank you for the kind words. But, I am not so sure it would have gotten beyond simply telling him how far to the right, or left, or back, or forth to put his hands. That's the kind of helpful guy I am.