Thursday, December 29, 2011

My dinner with Barack

"I am not a good American...I prefer to form my own opinions" - George Carlin

You read it right...my wife and I have been invited to have dinner with Barack and Michelle...and four other guests. All we have to do is donate $5 USD to his re-election campaign. Well OK, a minor point...the fiver gets our names thrown in the pot for a drawing, the winner of which will have dinner with the two of them...plus four.

I need to point out that none...NONE...of the piss ant Repug wannabes would do this for five smackers. The pool would most likely be taken from 20 grand, or more, donors. That friends, is the difference between the party of the big fat elephant and the party of  FDR. Warms the cockles of my cockle, I want to tell you.

Below is the seating chart and the invitation for the event (I'm assuming that it is to be an event...and it damn well better be at the white house, and not my house):


You may have noticed that four of the guests at that table are unknown. This concerns me. Maybe they are Secret Service...so seated to protect the POTUS...just in case their background check on us was flawed...somewhat like the vetting of Sarah whatsher buns.

I will say for the record that I have no guns, nor do I know how to make a bomb, so listen up SS. However, it is my duty to confess to occasions of extreme flatulence, but nothing has been destroyed by that talent...as of yet. Not to mention that it would make a lousy bargaining chip...not being controllable and all.

Anyway, I can think of plenty to talk about with the prez, but I am at a loss as to what to talk about with the Secret Service Agents. I suppose we could talk about guns...or counterfeit money...or the most interesting threats ever received by a president.

No doubt political discussion is off limits. Although it does cross my mind that the agents could be registered Republicans. In which case, bring it on MOFOs....har har har.

I am not naive in thinking that this is anything more than a publicity device. However, just in case, I will make a few notes on the palms of my hands, and the back of my tie (if I decide to buy one...I don't currently own one...in fact, the last tie I owned was approximately the width of my now Buddha belly...that should tell you how long it's been since a tie was in my closet).

All in all, this is a pretty slick idea...from his point of view. From my point of view, I would just as soon that my name be thrown in a pot to win a free ipad2...to be presented by the president, of course. I gotta tell you I test drove one the other day, and the ipad2 is as smooth as he is. If it was running, I'd vote for it.

24 comments:

Doug said...

Well, I'm out of the running for President Lotto, and I won't be getting an iPad, either. I bought myself a fire sale BlackBerry Playbook 32GB; I call it my BBPB. Kinda fun if you say BBPB three times fast. I am sooo easily amused.

Happy New Year, JJ, and may all of your dinner companions be as smooth as Mr. Obama, or an iPad2.

jadedj said...

Doug---BBPB...I like it, but then again...iP2 is quicker, rapidly...especially with a copious amount of merlot. Wait, damn, I just realized that it IS almost the new year...the Mayan Gloom and Doom one...the one I am not paying any attention to because it is totally ridiculous...sort of...kind of...well...maybe. iP2iP2iP2!

Mr. Charleston said...

JHC! I think, dang JJ, what a great post. Start a conversation about whatever your conversation would be at dinner with the President. And all you boys can talk about... friggin' toys. What happened? Santa didn't bring you what you wanted?

jadedj said...

Chas---First...there ain't no Santa. Second...I thought maybe, just maybe, some of my more erudite readers would pick up the tempo and fill in what THEY might want to say to the prez. Alas, expectations sometimes have nothing to do with reality and SOME of my readers simply don't fit into the learned sphere, methinks.

Mr. Charleston said...

Ha! And Ha! again. Barak uses a Blackberry. Even a less than erudite knows that and wouldn't show up for dinner with a half-eaten apple.

the walking man said...

Dude the first round for dinner was prez only and only cost $3 a pop to get your name in the water tower full of names. When I got my invite to donate the $3 & $5 I wrote back and asked how much all the corporate heads he had to dinner earlier this year cost them? He didn't bother to respond and I didn't bother to send the lesser of two evils any money either, though I bet his old lady would be a great host and be a wonderful person to have a conversation with. The prez...well he's already proven himself to be a liar by signing the omnibus budget bill with the rendition of US Citizens in it after he said he would veto it. Fuck it business as usual in DC so much for that hopey changey thing that idiot woman used to mock him about.

Tom Harper said...

Hmmm, dinner with the Obamas. I've always wondered what Kenyan cuisine is like. Do let us know.

Moko 2.0 said...

Might see if they'll take a bribe ... $6 should cover it!

jadedj said...

Mr. Chas---I have it on good authority (FAUX NEWS) that this is the whole problem in the WHITEhouse...O is still using a BLACKberry. Nothing racist meant by that, mind you...by me, that is.

wm---Well somehow I missed the $3 offer. $5 pushed me over the edge. A little too rich for my blood, given the returns I'd get. So, I've set up a "iPad fund" with the fiver being the first thrown in the pot. And as I said, I don't own a tie anyway.

I hope you win, because I would love to hear the recounting of that conversation between the two of you ;-)

Tom---Think goatmilk and unborn babies, sautéed in a rich sauce of French escargot juice. All paid for with a redistribution of Wall Street corporate wealth.

Moko---Long time no hear from...or some such shit. $6 is the limit my wife has set for me for my fine California merlots at the local Hy-Vee. No way am I going to squander that. They are just going to have to do without me that night.

YELLOWDOG GRANNY said...

the secret service won't let me within 50 miles of Crawford Texas..wonder if that goes for the white house too.?

intelliwench said...

Does the pres have an official food taster? Just wondering....

jadedj said...

YD G---Hahahahahahhahaha!

intell---Yes...Joe Biden.

Chimp said...

After reading your post, Sarah Palin would like you to attend her dinner for FREE! Serving up some delicious Moose Pies!

I sat at lunch once with a Secret Service agent when President Lyndon Johnson was visiting our hospital at Fort Hood, Texas. Most of the time, he told jokes about Lyndon.

jadedj said...

Chimp---And I have some plain Plains cuisine for her...Buffalo Chips.

Yep, I can see where they would be a funny bunch of dudes.

Chimp said...

HAPPY NEW YEAR JJ !!! HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!!!

jadedj said...

Ditto, Chimp!

Harlequin said...

it was so gratifying to hear that your cockle is warm. good for you.

loved this post....and the comments were grand.

the ipad 2 draw is a good idea... and would attract more takers than a dinner.
i am still ruminating about what to say to the secret service fellas.... the battle of wits dilemma, you know.

but, please accept my warm regards for a wonderful new year...

eveningson said...

I am trying my best to think of what I might want to talk about if I had the chance to have lunch with him and for the love of me, I cant come up with a single one that might prompt an honest answer.

I am interested in North American Indians, being one, so I might discuss what Indians think of america and some of the things we did as children that might be different than what everybody else does. I would discuss kids stuff I think and ask if the kids are grounded in the history of the American Indians. I would want to see how connected this family is.

jadedj said...

Harlequin---Ah yes...certainly a good way to start off the new year...with warm cockles, that is (and thanks for noticing).

I did suggest the ipad draw, but haven't heard back from him, as yet.

Fantastic. More new year warming. And the same to you dear person ;-)

evenington---Now that is maybe the most well thought out comment ever, on this blog. Some of you old coots who visit here regularly, take note.

Mauigirl said...

Happy New Year, and good luck on getting that dinner date with Barack!

PENolan said...

I knew you wouldn't give those corporate PR hacks five bucks.
Whew.

jadedj said...

Mauigirl---Wow...glad to hear from you. Hope things are going your way into the new year :-)

Tricia---Damn straight on that one. I did contribute $10 to Alan Grayson...just on the basis of his dry wit alone. Hey, Happy New Year to you!

diane said...

You could ask him what he thinks about Ron Paul, hehe.

jadedj said...

diane---Most likely, exactly what I think of him...not much.