Sunday, August 5, 2012

All Wet

"I am not a good American...I prefer to form my own opinions" - George Carlin

A wealthy Dutch Christian, recently completed a full-scale replica of...Noah's Ark. That's correct...Noah's Ark. He built it according to the measurements given in the bible and has filled it with plastic animals.

This from CNN on line:

"We want to tell people about God. We wanted to build something that can help explain the Bible in real terms."

Despite his best efforts, it was impossible to adhere entirely to the biblical description of the Arc. Genesis describes Noah's boat as made of "gopher wood", but experts disagree over what this is.

Instead, Hulbers and his team built the boat by welding together the hulls of 25 barges into a single frame, which was then covered with Scandinavian pine.

Weighing about 3,000 tons, the boat contains sleeping quarters, a theater, restaurant and conference facilities to seat 1,500 people.

So much for authenticity.

I read somewhere that it cost 1.6 million USD to build the thing.

Hmmm, seems to me that a better way to " explain the Bible in real terms" would be to donate 1.6 million USD to a charity devoted to helping the less fortunate. Just saying.

There's no accounting for bad taste, stupidity and...Christians with too damned much money.


Tom Harper said...

Damn it, you stole my comment. I was gonna Google "Bill Cosby Noah's Ark" and see if there was a YouTube link I could put in the comments section. But you beat me to it.

jadedj said...

Tom---Great minds. Sorry.

Pixel Peeper said...

Filled it with plastic animals? No doubt, made in China.

Shaking my head here.

jadedj said...

PP---Hahahahahahaha! No doubt you are right.


Harlequin said...

Cosby was / is the penultimate commentary.

agree agree on the totally absurd site of investment for all that good christian money.

i have a favourite cartoon on Noah and Co. by an irreverent fella named John Callahan. the cartoon depicts a boat in the last stages of sinking, lots of animal couples in various stages of swim, float, struggle, flail, and two humans, one female, telling the other, male : " i told you not to bring the beavers"

Ol'Buzzard said...

Two of every animal in the world...really? Think about it.
the Ol'Buzzard

Punch said...

Do you think they went back for the blue flies?

Kulkuri said...

But why did he leave the dinosaurs behind?? And the unicorns?? Altho according to the Irish Rovers song the unicorns were too busy playing to get onboard.

intelliwench said...

For Kulkuri:

This and the Creation Museum are not on my list of places to see. On another note, you never hear about anybody building a recreation of Sodom and Gomorrah. Why's that?

jadedj said...


Ol'B---Well, maybe the arc was like Doctor Who's Tardis...bigger on the inside than the outside. Or not.

Punch---I assume you are speaking of the Blue-TAIL Fly, a species of horse-fly which lives on the blood of animals. Both of them sucked up to Noah, or so I am told.

Nevermind, I have no answer for your question.

Kulkuri---Here is a link to a cartoon I did 20 odd years ago, which should answer the dinosaur part of your question (as should intelliwench's link below):

As to the unicorns...they treaded water over Ireland for 40 days and nights.

itell---Actually there have been several attempts to build just such a theme park. Unfortunately all of the developers soon found that it was Yahweh or the highway...vada boom!

Professor Chaos said...

Wouldn't a full-scale replica of Noah's ark just prove how impossible it would be to fit that many animals in there?

jadedj said...

Professor Chaos---For those with a non-lobotomized brain, yes. However, this little project fits in very tidily with a sign at a church near my house..."If the bible says it, it is true. End of story."

Punch said...

First let me thank you for correcting my mis-statement about the Blue Fly.
My research team at WickiWhatie told me that the blue bottle fly or bottlebee (Calliphora vomitoria) [I did not make that up] is a common blow-fly found in most areas of the world and is the type species for the genus Calliphora, similar species include the green bottle fly, a close relative that can be distinguished by its bright green metallic coloring. Blue bottle fly adults feed on nectar, while the larvae feed on carcasses of dead animals. Adults are also pollinators to some flowers with strong odor.
Blue-tailed fly is a term popularized in the Southern folk song "Jimmy Crack Corn." The insect referred to as the blue-tailed fly belongs to a group of insects more commonly known as horseflies, according to the Purdue University Extension. (Did you go to Purdue or grow up in the South, son?
There are many different types of horsefly and its relatives, the deer fly and yellow fly. The blue-tailed fly is specifically named Tabanus atratus. (Tab Anus A trat Us, give me a break) All horseflies belong to the family Tabanus and all bite mammals. Horseflies bite all manner of mammals, not just horses. Female horseflies feed on the blood of mammals and bite to secure a meal.
Blue-tailed flies are found throughout the world, often in boggy or wetland areas. (WET Land?) Some of the only areas that do not have horseflies include Hawaii and Iceland.
So I stand by my comment Did they go back for them, or did something die on the boat and…hey wait a minute. Is that what happened to the dinosaurs.

jadedj said...

Punch---I've had anonymous comments in Russian shorter than this.

Let me put my original answer another way...I DO NOT FUCKING KNOW!

Punch said...



what a colossal waste of time..

how long can you tread water, Noah.

Punch said...

tread water>>>>
oh I'm a fly, my maggits live after me.
what ever.

jadedj said...


YDG---Ain't it though.

Punch---Good God man, I thought you were done. OK, time out just for you...from

"In all there are over 120,000 species of flies ranging in size from 1/20th of an inch to well over three inches.
The flies reputation for uncleanliness is also well deserved. Many of man's primary diseases are transmitted by flies, including the deadlyYellow Fever. Entomologists Dr. Yao and Dr. Yuan of China studied more than 378,046 common house flies and estimated that each carried no less than 1,941,000 bacteria on their bodies. Indeed Flies are probably responsible for more deaths among humans then any perceived atrocities we may have misguidedly thrust upon them.
A few more miscellaneous facts:
-The average house fly lives on average 21 days.
-A flies wings beat 200 times per second.
-Flies don't grow. They are born full size.
-Flies have 4000 lenses in each eye.
-Flies jump up and backwards when taking off.
-Average speed of a fly in flight is 4.5 m.p.h..
-Flies smell with their antennae"

Not one mention of the fucking Arc. But think about it...120,000 x 2 = 240,000 ferking flies on that silly ass boat, not counting maggots. Jeezofat.

intelliwench said...

Remember what Mr. C said about flies and dog poop...extrapolate that to all the manure on the Ark. (Punch can do the math.)

MeanDonnaJean said...

"the boat contains sleeping quarters, a theater, restaurant and conference facilities to seat 1,500 people."

Hmmmmmm. I went to Catholic school but the nuns NEVER mentioned that part about the ark. Jeez, some of them nuns were so damn old that I'll betcha the majority of 'em were even ON the damn thing (and probably didn't wanna incriminate themselves by elaboratin' about all the shenanigans that were goin' on in those sleepin' quarters/theater/restaurant & facilities) #gettinjiggywithit

Punch said...

Here you go Intelli.
120,000 flies x 2 = 240,000 (squared) = 57,600,000,000 total flies (after 26 days out of the 40) times 1,941,000 (number of bacteria on their bodies) = 111,801,600,000,000,000 (the total number of Bacteria that Noah brought through the flood).
I feel sick to my stomach.

jadedj said...

intell---I am remiss in that I didn't get to you in time. That is to say...never, never, never mention extrapolate to Punch. Or give him an excuse to break out his calculator. Two comments below is the proof of the pudding.

Mean---Hey, long time no see!

Did they ever relate the tale of the pickle patch to you? Even more interesting than the Ark thingamajig.

Punch---Take two aspirin and call us in the morning...with your insurance information. Doctor JJ.