Saturday, January 30, 2016

Mobile BeJesus

"I am not a good American...I prefer to form my own opinions" - George Carlin

I went online to find my wife a case for her new smartphone. I found the perfect one on Amazon.

The White Cross BeJesus Crystal Diamond Hard Case Cover

Nothing says BeJesus like imitation zircon and cheap shit plastic. It makes me feel good and dutiful knowing that she will be getting DOUBLE protection...against phone damage...and snatchers of the soul. Get thee behind the zircon, Satan...and thieves with no taste!

The total cost of this ob jay day art? $1.66 USD...with FREE SHIPPING!

To kick you over the conspicuous consumption edge, in case you are wetting yourselves at the prospect of  adorning your phone with are some testimonials from ACTUAL owners. 

* I carry this case to church with it arrived faster then it started its love all around me and
again where did I get it.

Say huh? I love it when love gets started, but it does affect the memory of whence  things were gotten .

* Some of the 'bling' fell off right after opening.

It's a terrible thing when you lose your "bling".

* I expected the case to be a white pearl color based on the photo. It came in clear. Within the
first hour of having the case on my phone, I noticed I was already missing a stone on the cross. 

Are you talking about Keith Richards? Yeah, he's notorious for that.

* ...many of the stones were not glued flat on the case. They were half way on another stone. I fixed it myself. There are glue spots on the case were there are no stones. My husband says it looks like a child put it together. It did not come with extra stones like other reviews mentioned. It was probably stones that already fell off.

You need to tell your husband to STFU! Those missing stones clearly represent the missing souls needing the glue of BeJesus.

* It fits perfectly and looks absolutely stunning. I've already received tons of compliments. It came faster than expected and came with extra diamonds in the event that some might happen to fall off.

Stunning! Stunning, I tell you! Of course you got "tons" of compliments for a $1.66 USD plastic POS...what did you expect? Does that tell you something about your double-wide friends and acquaintances?

* Great Quality and It's beautiful!!! I love it!!!

Ahem...that's what she said.

* Diamonds continued to fall off. Gave it away.

Ah yes...the wagon of unrealistic perception collapses under the burden of reality. Who'da thunk.

OK, I admit...I didn't buy it.


Tom Harper said...

Me and all my Double Wide friends is just likin' the hell out of that there White Cross BeJesus Crystal Diamond Hard Case Cover. I just sit there admiring it while we're on the couch watching 700 Club and eatin' on some pork rinds.

intelliwench said...

If our smartphones were so smart we wouldn't need any damn covers for them. But I digress....of course the cases are made in some pagan country that has no respect for the sanctity of a fully bling'd BeJesus. Boycott this vendor if you value your soul!


what do you expect from people who call cheap plastic rhinestones diamonds?

jadedj said...

Tom---Hallelujah, brother! Pig skins from Jesus!

intell---It's Obama's fault...soon to be...Bernie's fault.

JACKIESUE---A better glue?

Bob Conner said...

"en it started its love all around me "

What the hell is it? A Vibrator phone with with a blessing :-)

Just imagine all the selfies doing the "spectacles, testicles, wallet, watch thing that are going to show up on Face Book and Twitter now.

Ol'Buzzard said...

Do you think it would keep vampires away if some of the stones are missing?
the Ol'Buzzard

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Jesus Christ, what the hell do people expect for $1.66? Bitch, bitch, bitch.

Anonymous said...

do you know why vampires are supposed to be repelled by the cross? They are allergic to bullshit! :-)

Bella said...

OMG so funny! hahaha...what a crock of diamonds!

jadedj said...

Bella---Yes indeedy...there's no accounting for good taste.