Friday, March 13, 2009

Say It Isn't True! *TEARS*

It has been reported that...oh God...oh God...I can't say's soooooooo fucking's been reported that Bristol, England has been shunned by Levi Whatshis (no relation to the Levi, Levis...of tight pants and rivet fame), and there is a split afoot.

Oh no, wait...that's not Bristol, England...that's Bristol...Whatsher...the Alaskan also run's daughter, Bristol. And that would be Bristol's almost hubby-in waiting, Whatshis. Whatshis' dad, Keith Whatshis, told PEOPLE recently that his son is a devoted and "proud father." The problem is, moose season is almost over, and Levi Whatshis needs to get out there and spread his seed amonst the mooseys. He is pretty sure he has more seed, and he is damned sure, Bristol is not on the same moosey plate as he...large moosey breasts notwithstanding.

Bristol's mother, Sarah Whatsher, has been incognito since hearing the news, and is not pleased that Whatshis is cutting into her moose jerky business.

Keith Whatshis, privately reminded Sarah that they, he and she, were many long Alaskan Winters ago, caught in a moosey snow storm while beef jerking together, and did some seeding of their own. Dude Whatshis is threating to beat the living shit out of a certain almost father-in-law of his daughter...when moose season is over.

We should all be reminded that the bible tells us (Derotermer 3: 1492, verse e visey 6,9) that we should be wary of split footed Whatshes bearing seeds. Spit them out brethereners, immediately!

Afuckingmen, dudes and dudettes.


Lou said...

No need to keep up the facade now I guess and life can go back to normal. I read somewhere they can barely be in the same room as each other except when a TV camera is on and her mum's keeping them in line.

Lou said...

Ps she sure does have massive new mummy boobies

Moko 2.0 said...

Great jugs. They're just BUSTING to break free from their prison.

Anonymous said...

Jeez, the muck just gets deeper and deeper around Sarah.

jadedj said...

Lou---true luv is a many splintered thing.

Moko---as is Levi.

Dedene---have to wear the 'ol "high water" pants...cepting, it ain't water.

Doug said...

Alaska is a state of mind

Bristol is kinda young to be a MILF, eh?

jadedj said...

Doug---Secede with their seed, sounds good to me.

Not if one is a DOM (Dirty Old Man)(present company excluded).