You gotta love em...

Corporate America, or Corporate anywhere for that matter. Let me say up front...this post is a bitch...a BIG bitch...a mother of a bitch...a, I-am-so-furious-I-want-to-send-somebody-a-large-gargantuan-Godzilla-bucket-of-monkeyshit, bitch.

This is how it started. Our cell phone account was originally with Cellular One, and we never had any problem with them. Then Alltell bought out Cell One, with whom we have had minor problems. Then Verizon bought out Alltell...and we were switched over recently. Two or three months ago we bought our oldest daughter a cell phone. Of course we had to sign a new two year contract. Then about 3 weeks ago, her phone went kaput, basically. My wife called Verizon, thinking they were going to tell us to take it back to the store. But, they said they would mail us another phone of the same model, and that we had seven days to return the older one, or be charged full price for it. While my wife was on the phone, they asked her to take the battery out and check the little white dot which turns red if the phone has "moisture" damage (did any of you know this? Take note, my friends). It didn't and she told them that.

A few days later, we received the "new" refurbished phone. I packed up the old one, but before doing that, I looked at the battery compartment thinking to myself, OK, the dot is indeed white. I AM A CAUTIOUS BASTARD. SEE? It was white. As white as my skinny arse. Pure...virginally, WHITE. Would I lie to my fellow bloggers? Not about my arse...the phone.

Before continuing with this shocking tale of greed and arrogance, let me say...my wife is the epitome of calm, cool, and levelness, particularly when faced with arseholeyness. She works as a call center rep, and has to be. I on the other hand, love to get in arseholy faces, with verbal baseball bats and bad breath (which has served me well). But, this is why my wife generally handles matters that require calm, civilized negotiations.

A week or so later, a package suspiciously the same size as the original Sprint package came in the mail. WTF. I opened it. It was the phone I had sent back. A curt little note was included. It read, "Water damage present...warranty voided". Oh yeah...OH YEAH...OH YEAHMUTHA FOCKERSSSSS!!!!!

At one time in this country many companies had the philosophy that the customer was always right. In fact it was Sears and Roebuck's official motto, "The Customer Is ALWAYS Right". What that meant was, no arguing, no recriminations, no bullshit. If the customer was dissatisfied for ANY reason, Sears did it's damnest to rectify the problem.

I once had a tape measure that I bought from Sears. After about four years, the tip broke off, and it was probably from rough usage on my part. I took it to Sears to see if I could replace the coil. I was willing to pay for it. No problem said the clerk and he handed me a new tape measure. Now that makes for loyal customers.

"Sears, where America shops"...or used to.

This is no longer the case...at Sears, or any other company that I know of. The corporate motto now is, the customer is ALWAYS WRONG. Get all the money you can, and fuk em. If they dare call our customer service, put em on hold for 30 minutes while they listen to insipid Muzak tunes by Lawrence Welk (look him up youngins...you don't really want to listen to him though)



and if that doesn't drive them away, treat them like the dogs that they are. Let em ask for the supervisor, the supervisor knows how to get rid of customer trash.

This post is getting too long and too boring. So, to brevitize (now there is a great corporate type word)...after spending two hours on the phone with the Sprint bastards, they told my wife that their "research" into the matter indicates that the phone had internal water damage. Now, are you ready for this dear reader? Sprint then suggested that possibly our daughter had carried the phone IN HER POCKET, and perspiration penetrated the phone, thereby damaging it! (**&%@!@#$%^&*(

Numero uno: the white dot was...white, when we sent in the phone.

Numero dos: What the fuck kind of pieces of shit are you selling that can be "penetrated" by perspiration? What about humidity, or rainy days, or tears, or wet dreams. What a lot of batshittery!

We were told we could keep the "new" refurbished one at the full price, or send back the "new" refurbished in seven days to avoid the charge on our bill. Wait a minute...full price? Isn't this a refurbished phone? And didn't we send you our phone which was only three months old? FULL FERKING PRICE? Yes.

Fuk em. And fuk them.

I sent it back today, and included this photo with it...just in case there's some asshole in receiving, who sits there with a water spray bottle, opening returned phone boxes. Get my drift?



BTW---You are all now witnesses...take especial note of the little white dot on the lower left side of the battery compartent.