Saturday, August 1, 2009

Twenty Random Things You Didn't Know You Wanted To Know

NOTICE-THIS IS AN EQUAL OPPORTUNITY TONGUE-IN-CHEEK (the ones in your cabeza) BLOG.


I do not know where I got these factoidals. They simple appeared one day on my computer. Ahem.

I cannot attest to their authenticity...much less footnote it...or kick it in the ass to get it going. Just take their word for it...or make a case agin it.

The brilliant Italic notes are mine. The copulating flies are someone else's. I hope they don't wander by here and sue my ass, because I have no idea where the photo came from...it is very possible I was doing some rope tricks, as outlined in number twenty below, when I found it. Or not.

I DO love you more than shit Margaret.


1. At latitude 60 degrees south you can sail all the way around the world.
But do not try this without a sailboat.

2. The Roman emperor Caligula made his horse a senator.
And in this society our senators are horse's... Hold it, you knew what I was going to say...

3. The dot over the letter 'i' is called a tittle.
Then why isn't the saying, tittle your eeys, and cross your tees?

4. The United States has never lost a war in which mules were used.
And that is exactly what Francis said (look it up).

5. Cathy Rigby is the only woman to pose nude for Sports Illustrated. (August 1972)
ewwwwwwwwwww...Why? And more importantly, why would anyone want to look?

6. A person from the country of Nauru is called a Nauruan; this is the only palindromic nationality.
That is Nauruan spelled backwards. Oh, and no one knows where the deuce it is.

7. Americans eat twice as much meat as Europeans, gobbling up some 50kg (110 lb) per capita.
We have more cows?

8. Every day 200 million couples make love, 400,000 babies are born, and 140,000 people die.
I love made up shit to prove a point...although I haven't a twit of an idea as to what the point of this is. OK, I'll give 'em the last two statistics, but who is polling these 200 million couples?

9. St. Augustine was the first major proponent of the "missionary" position.
Just WHO was St. Augustine doing this missionary thing with? Wasn't he a monk or some such? He was doing it with his fist?

10. The pig is rated the fourth most intelligent animal but is mentioned only twice in the Bible.
Which goes to prove that you didn't have to be intelligent to get in the bible.

11. Barbie's measurements if she were life size: 39-23-33.
In the words of my dear dead old grandfather: BULLSHIT!
And the size of Ken's penis would be...zero?



12. Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
You know what they say, big nose, little thingy...or is that feet?

13. Emus cannot walk backwards.
No moon walk for them (ok, it's lame...you have a better one Jackwad?).

14. The slogan on New Hampshire license plates is 'Live Free or Die'. These license plates are manufactured by prisoners in the state prison in Concord.
OK. So?

15. Des Moines has the highest per capita Jello consumption in the U.S.
Does anyone...I mean, anyone...really give a dowaddinal shit about this?

16. The United States government keeps its supply of silver at the U.S. Military Academy at West Point, NY
Because...?

17. Both writer Edgar Allen Poe and LSD advocate Timothy Leary were kicked out of West Point.
However, Timothy was not aware of it at the time.

18. It is believed that Shakespeare was 46 around the time that the King James Version of the Bible was written. In Psalms 46, the 46th word from the first word is shake and the 46th word from the last word is spear.
Someone actually spent time figuring this shit out?

19. Parthenogenesis is the term used to describe the process by which certain animals are able to reproduce themselves in successive female generations without intervention of a male of the species. At least one species of lizard is known to do so.
The Lounge Lizard.

20. One of the reasons marijuana is illegal today because cotton growers in the 30s lobbied against hemp farmers -- they saw it as competition.
Smoke yer rope, dope.

23 comments:

Punch said...

Now I know a lot more useless stuff I can impress people with. Thanks Jadedj.

boneman said...

OK, well, I think Caligula meant was, he wanted whores in the senate.
Gosh...two thousand years it took to get that wish!
HA!

the walking man said...

I never knew that about Des Moines....and personally I wish I was still ignorant on that point. Unless of course they put fresh fruit in it and bring it to a pot luck but then as the capital of Jello consumption would any one bring anything else; say smoked emu for instance?

Heidi Germanaus said...

You're right. I had no idea I wanted to know this stuff. Kinda like Jenna Von Oy played "Sixx" on "Blossom".

Punch said...

I had to come back for more. I funny that way. Re:18 I you have ever sat in church sunday after sunday after sunday as a young person, counting words trying to see if there really was a message of salvation makes very good sense. BTW if you go to Psalms 33 the 33 word from the end is 'help' and the 33 word from the beginning is 'unto' as you can plainly see there is 'help unto' me coming. It is a good book for spending time in.
Also i learned from Heidi a)jenna von oy b)sixx and c) blossom, i guess it either a)tv show b)stage play c)porn movie. This is a really cool site for the obtuse.

PENolan said...

Re #3: Because then it would be titillating.

I can't respond to #20 since I get all riled up when I think of how corporate greed has seriously harshed the American mellow. What a bunch of fucking Buzz Kills - them with their cigars and whiskey. I'm all for cigars and whiskey, just not as a monopoly. I wonder what would happen if somebody put LSD in the congressional water supply and select corporate board rooms . . . Maybe that's what Timothy Leary was working on when he got kicked out of West Point.

Heidi Germanaus said...

Punch-super crappy t.v. show from the early ninties with Joey Lawrence. Whoa!

jadedj said...

Punch---Ah, I can see it now, you with that Dixie Dew in one hand and a big fat Hav-a-Tampa in the other, impressing all the ladies gathered 'round, at the gathering, with your useless information. Just give credit where credit is due, OK?

boneman---you are correct about that...screwing is their middle name.

walkingman---I've never smoked any emu, but hey, what the hell. I'll give it a try.

Heidi---now THAT'S important!

Punch---I teach you everything I know, and you still don't know anything.

You were paying attention in church???? Me too...on the young ladies in the pew in front of me (why are they called pews...something to do with all the wind broken on them?...now there is a factoid worth knowing).

We don't have pslams in Nebraska...we do have some nice maples and oaks, however.

I'm going with "C".

Finally, I do not appreciate you bringing up my weight.

PE---Har, har.

The LSD idea-couldn't make them any more fucked up than they already are. I'd almost rather have some trippers there than what we have. As to the board rooms...not even LSD can deter those fuckers from the gouging path they've taken.

jadedj said...

Heidi---he knew that...it's his pathetic attempt at humor. Just ignore him.

Punch said...

(ahem)Mr. jadedj...seeing how is it Sunday (day of rest) and I'm taking a break from my morning nap, I chanced to wander past the computer and found myself back in BanquetLand, which is far more entertaining than Beulah Land. As I read your replies to your bright readers, I could not help but notice a few of your caring, yet mis-guided remarks. It is mainly those regarding my comments that I make note of. If your readers choose to follow your path, well, that makes mine, to the truth, less traveled. To Witt:
Number one thing-Dixie Dew and Hav-A-Tampa make the perfect opening for conversation at the Sunday Dinner on the grounds. Starts something like 'could you please put out that wretched smokin' thang' ya'll carryin' 'round'. At which point I am able to say "Why my good friend JadedJ was tellin' me, just this morn', that Parthenogenesis is a logicial by product of smokin' Hav-A-Tampas" At this point I either have her eating out of my hand or what she was eating on my head. Works every time. You have taught me everything I know.
Number two thing-They are Palm Trees (P PPALms) and the Book of Psalms (ssssAlmsss) the 'P' is silent, unlike myself.
Number Three thing-Turns out it was 'A'. But from Heidi's later comment it might be deemed an obscene TV show. There by making both A and C correct.
Item Last-that is ObtTuse (ObToo2sssa) Upon occasion it comes when a slow mind meets a quick mind, such as in your case.

Heidi...don't listen to him. He will put you on the road to perdition. You will not meet Tom or Paul on his pernicious road, no, my little dearie, just guys being told there not funny. You see, my attempts at humor are heroic.
(see now, that there is funny)
Oh Yes, JadedJ, one more thing. Thishere is called ObTuse humor. (get it?) nevermind.
Ok, try this, An Irishman walks out of a bar. Hey, it could happen. har har. nevermind.

Harlequin said...

I know at least one Irish who walked of a bar...

anyway; another lovely romp for me. I am inspired to create a list of my own... and I respect the kind of mind who could create this one...
thanks. A nice midday Sunday treat...

Simon said...

My ‘urban myth’ detector always lights up when I see a list like this, but I’m afraid I’m too idle to check any but the more easy-to-check ones, such as the eyeballs not growing one, as that seemed the most unlikely. According to WikiAnswers (and I’m not claiming they’re right!):

The average newborn's eyeball is about 18 millimeters in diameter, from front to back (axial length). In an infant, the eye grows slightly to a length of approximately 19½ millimeters. It continues to grow gradually to a length of about 24-25 millimeters in adulthood.

The sailing along the 60° south latitude one is correct as regards land, but it could only be done in the warmer months thanks to the maximum extent of the ice sheet in winter.

Is anyone seriously expected to be bothered to check Claim 18? Besides, why isn’t the second word ‘speare’ rather than ‘spear’ if it’s to fit the name Shakespeare? Go back and start again, folks.

Claim 20 may or may not apply in the US, but it’s not the reason for the decision for making cannabis use illegal in the UK, and I doubt if it applies to other countries either.

I can’t be arsed to check the others.

Punch said...

47th word from the last. Next!

Valerie said...

Augustine didn't have sex, that's why he convinced everyone that its sinful and has to be done in the most boring way possible. It seems to have worked a little too well.

And hemp clothing is far superior to cotton.

Heidi Germanaus said...

Duh. How wouldn't anyone know a prolific show like Blossom?

Punch said...

uhumm, Heidi...(ahem) I suppose that part about obtuse, heroic humor is not going to hold water here?
Maybe the part about Augustine not having sex??? nah, too big a jump.
I will make it a point to buy an Ipod and learning how to down load podcasts, and then find 6 Blossoms on the porn sites.
Thank you for the insight. I can hardly wait for the first show.

jadedj said...

Punch---OK, so do you feel better about yourself as a man now? I know Santeria Priest counseling is difficult to obtain without massive amounts of dead chickens and goat tails and such. So feel free to come on over here and vent...free of charge.

Oh, and I believe the story is, a monkey walks into a bar with an Irishman on his shoulder...and

Harlequin---I thought it was a monkey who had an Irishman on his shoulder and...

Thanks for the kind words...I rarely get them from certain self-center Santeria worshiping visitors...no names mind you.

Simon---You are a better man than I. I don't even stoop to check the easy ones. Besides, I know I can count on you.

This is news to me...I didn't realize it was illegal to partake of certain hemp like products in the UK. See, so much for facts in jadedville.

Punch---What the deuce are you talking about?

Valerie---and what a bitter man he was...as I also would be. It also occurs to me that if he didn't have sex, then how could he define positions, and...know which were the most advantageous regards, whatever results it is that the Popa wants. Put another way, them that can, do...them that can't, make stupid ass rules. I have no idea what I just said.

As is smoking...hemp, that is.

Heidi---exactly!

Punch---You have exceeded your allotted obtuseness.

Mr. Charleston said...

The reason cotton took over from hemp was because hemp farmers couldn't keep their slaves working. Productivity and all don't you know.

The 60th latitude thing is right only so far as a line on a map. Simon is correct, the route must be run in summer and then sailors have to move into "the Roaring Forties" to make the most hazardous sailing voyage on earth. 40-50ft seas, 20-mile long icebergs and the like. Great stuff to read about especially that great Englishman, Sir Frances Chichester, who did the thing solo at age 70 something.

#10... Does anyone know, are dogs mentioned in the Bible?

Comrade Kevin said...

Caligula's last words were "I still live!", as he was being stabbed to death, proving that you can be delusional and be in politics at the same time.

jadedj said...

Mr. C---#10...which version...King James, or B.B. King?

Comrade---and or, work for FOX news.

mo.stoneskin said...

I intend to work 'tittle' into more everyday conversation.

MeanDonnaJean said...

Oh now, THIS is right up MY alley! Dontcha just LOVE seein' animals/insects and dare I even admit it but also some folks (altho very few can keep my undivided attention....I'd much rather watch frogs or even fleas) fuckin'? Its simply mesmerizin' to me! Apes are the best to watch IMHO. After watchin' a shitload of 'em on t.v. I even wrote a post about some certain kinda gang-bangin' species (the brilliant lil' suckers that they are). Gotta love animal porn!

jadedj said...

mo---since finding out this factoid, I have worked it into at least two dozen conversations. It's amazing how often it comes up. You know, a new word you didn't know, and then there it is, everywhere. I think you'll find it scintillating.

MeanDonnaJean---Oh yeah, I'm wid ya. Frogs, camels, flies...animal porn is where it is. My problem with watching humans is, I keep thinking about how bad they must smell.