NOTICE-THIS IS AN EQUAL OPPORTUNITY TONGUE-IN-CHEEK BLOG.
For all you dumb fucks out there (such as myself), I want to report that your egg-cracking trauma days are over.
Madison Avenue, even sans Billy Mays, who is still dead, has solved your worse culinary nightmare...no yolk! We are talking about all those EGG SHELLS in your food...because you...you stupid inept bastards....cannot crack a fucking chicken egg. We're not talking a damned ostrich, or dinosaur egg, not even a CrocoGator egg (more on that later)...no, a goddamned pissant chicken egg. Jeez! America is tired of it. Tired of the crunch in the omlets, the lousy texture of the cakes, the lacerations to the gums, the embarrassment, the psoriasis of it, and the pus/iness of it.
But wait, not only are your egg cracking mistakes a thing of the past (if you so chose) there's more. Your feeble attempts at lining up disgusting grease soaked pig bacon in the microwave, or whereever, are now a shameful thing of the past. Listen up, and note well.
Crocogator later, below the video.
CrocoGator: A cross between an Alligator and a Crocodile. The meanest reptile on the planet. One looks at this beast and asks the obvious..."I am looking at this, and I have to wonder, how does this thing do it's business?" The answer of course is, it doesn't...that's what makes it so mean...Vada Boom.
O.K., it's a lame joke...so shoot me!