Monday, March 22, 2010

Sunday Delights...The Hell You Say

NOTICE-THIS IS AN EQUAL OPPORTUNITY TONGUE-IN-CHEEK BLOG.

Maybe it was the screaming...the apparent crys of horror. Or perhaps the Diane Arbus photo look-alikes creeping about...escapees from the recent carnival in town. For sure the stringy haired, skeleton of a man with no teeth, with the greasiest, longest pony tail on the plain Plains. And the hardened lady of sixty or so...in the tight leopard skin Capri's from 1959...the one with the reddest over the lip line lips ever.The noise. The horns. The bells. The loudspeakers and the grating voice over the loudspeakers. The smells, damnation...the smells. Cheap perfume...body odor...farts, yes farts....some of them possibly mine...from fear...fear farts if you will. Mass produced food waifing in my nostrils and my brain. The inability to have a conversation with my wife. The equal inability to keep up with my child in the crowd. The fear that the toothless dude is a recently released molester...of children...and women...and bicycle seats. His MO...kill the man first, then...have your way.

Maybe these were the things that put me in the mind of Dante's Inferno...the descent into Hell. The painting of Hieronymus Bosch, Garden of Earthly Delights, and in particular the last judgement and the descent into hell. Admittedly, our heads and bladders were swimming in high percentage carbonated drinks...at $3 a pop (we got a little wacky with that).







All of this horror for our daughter...our youngest daughter, who was invited to a classmate's birthday party yesterday. The venue? Chuck E. Cheese. Two hours of Chuck E. Cheese. Nothing more to be said.


Addendum: Does anyone out there need approximately $9 US in worthless CEC slugs, good only in CEC establishments...in the US, of course?

34 comments:

Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

The horror, the HORROR, sorry you had to suffer, but glad you survived.

jadedj said...

Bucko---Thanks...but does that mean you don't need any slugs?

Doug said...

We have a CEC here, but no thanks. I, um, don't know any persons of a suitable age for that place. Pretty sure of that...

Punch said...

The last time I went to CEC was with a girlfriend, for her son's Bday. I was so disorented I could have sworn I saw a highschool sweetheart. Hell I even hit on her. She gave a cold "NO" to my question of her name. Have not been back since and stopped dating that fox. Still have not caught up to that high school babe. Don't think I will.

Heidi Germanaus said...

Lol, what an accurate depiction.

jadedj said...

Doug---Adults without children are permitted...as long as they have no teeth.

Punch---God knows what he/she/it is doing. BTW, I am pretty sure I saw your HS sweetie at our CEC...yesterday. In a pair of leopard skin Capris. One tooth overbite? Is that right?

jadedj said...

Heidi Germanaus has left a new comment on your post "Sunday Delights...The Hell You Say":

Lol, what an accurate depiction.

I have no idea why Heidi's comment is not showing up here.

Anyway, Heidi...I see you are a member of the CEC Afflicion Sufferers Association. Your certificate is in the mail...along with $9 (US) in slugs.

jadedj said...

What the hell? Heidi's comment just showed up. It's a Teabagger conspiracy!

Stephen said...

I have done it, with 20 8 & 9 year old girls. Fellini-esqe.

jadedj said...

Stephen---You poor soul. Okay, you get the $9 in slugs, and a 5 star, beyond human endurance certificate.

intelliwench said...

Isn't Chuck-E-Cheese just the training ground for future Hooter's patrons?

Tom Harper said...

Mmmm, my favorite pizza. Yes, please send me those CEC slugs. I'm already looking forward to the great food and great company.

the walking man said...

No wonder I had such a good day on Sunday, you sucked all the terrible out of it for the entire nation. Well done old son, well done. Remember to pay back the birthday girls parents by inviting them to a party of two on a leaky boat without a paddle.

Mr. Charleston said...

Now a grandfather, I'm sure there is a Chucky Cheese in my future. But I'm ready for it, I just hope the broad in the leopard pants is.

jadedj said...

intell---That and a recruiting place for attendants in institutes for the criminally insane.

Tom---You are a man of apparent mental fortitude and fuzzy vision. Either that, or majorly insane. The coins are in the mail.

walking man---Anything for my country. But one tour of duty is enough. And, we're spending this next weekend in search of a boat. Thanks for the idea.

Mr. C---I'm not sure how you feel about seconds, but check with Punch...he has her phone number.

mo.stoneskin said...

Leopard skin always makes me shudder a little, but not as much as seeing CEC for the first time. I had no idea he existed and now I'm going to have nightmares.

jadedj said...

mo---I should point out that Chuck E is the taller of the two in the photo. I know, I know...it is a toss up as to which is scariest.

Holte Ender said...

We don't have a CEC in my town, I must remember to be thankful for small blessings.

jadedj said...

Holte---You are indeed a blessed man.

Chimp said...

I’ve been to one of those parties for my 9-year-old granddaughter and it is hell.
You don’t know if that dirty-looking bearded man is Jesus Christ or a serial killer.

jadedj said...

Chimp---Jesus on meth maybe.

Chimp said...

Do you get to see who is lurking under the Chuck E. Cheese costume?

jadedj said...

Chimp---Oh yeah...but only at CEC seances. This particular photo was appropriate to the gestalt of the place, methinks. Btw, you are the first to notice. You've earned 10 CEC prize points, good for all manner of cheap, lead-filled tacky toys.

Heidi Germanaus said...

I graciously accept and eagerly await my certificate! :)

jadedj said...

Heidi---It's in the mail. I hope you don't mind paying the postage due...see, I was kinda out of stamps and stuff, so, er, uh...

Land of shimp said...

I am so very glad that my son is past this stage. Your post was like a trip down memory lane.

We used to have to go to Leaps and Bounds. A huge habitrail for people. I'm certain the new plague was brewing in the ball pit and the first time I ever went there with my son (a mere tot of three at the time), I only noticed the kneepad rental sign on the way out, long after I was almost fully crippled.

Just saying, the hell of Chuck-E-Cheese has a Twin brother. In fact, hell has a large family. I remember one place, Jungle Jim's Playland where there was a roller coaster of sorts. It went whipping around a oblong shaped track until you wish you were dead, then paused, and began to take the same route backwards.

It felled many an otherwise stalwart parent, I tell you.

Fun, fun, fun.

Land of shimp said...

An oblong shaped track. Grrrr. Mean old brain-dead type. An, not a. An, not a.

I'm sure some demon will repeat that in hell, over and over.

jadedj said...

L o s---I have major belligerence and contempt for these places...including Disney World. Alas, I am also a total mush-mash, weak ass, sucker for my daughters. My wife calls me the toothless bear.

L o s---An a by any other name is a...er, an, a...cee?

Harlequin said...

I haven't seen CEC compared with Bosch or Dante, but now that you mention it.....

BTW, nice to see your usual humour and commentary after a couple of weeks of ugly at work

jadedj said...

Harlequin---Thanks for the kind words, and keep in mind the old song "Accentuate the Positive...Eliminate the Ugly"...or something like that.

Kyle said...

JJ, I'm SO sorry you had to endure that. That is a place to send enemies to suffer. Doesn't seem to conjure images of fun at all for me, but I was born forty, so I'm not a good indicator.

jadedj said...

Kyle---Thank you for the sympathy. One does strange things for one's children. In this case, I would rather hot coals with bare tootsies.

boomer bob said...

"The noise. The horns. The bells. The loudspeakers and the grating voice over the loudspeakers. The smells, damnation...the smells. Cheap perfume...body odor...farts, yes farts.."

Are you sure you weren't in a Las Vegas Casino?

jadedj said...

Har, har, har! Well, spent almost as much money, and in Vegas at least you get free booze.