Friday, April 16, 2010

For Fun

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat.. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw a stunningly beautiful woman boarding the plane.

He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat...and to his dismay, she sat down right next to him.

Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or pleasure?"

She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston."

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"

"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.

Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best.

Also, I have discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck."

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't even know your name."

"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba."

31 comments:

boomer bob said...

Too funny!

I think she might be right about the Native Anericans. I had a group of friends in rural Oklahoma, one of which was Native American.

We'd all go skinny-dipping in the river and even at 14, the dude was so well endowend, I thought a cotton mouth was gonna try to mate with him while standing in the river.

Holte Ender said...

Home run Bubba.

intelliwench said...

Hmmm...what about Canadians?

Jerry Critter said...

See, men are very flexible. We are able to adapt to any situation.

jadedj said...

boomer--- My granddaddy used to say, son, never trust a cottonmouth. I don't think he was referring to my willy, however. But then I'm not a Native American.

Holte---Wish I could take credit for it...my wife emailed it to me...and I can visualize all her lady co-workers guffawing whilst emailing their others the same joke. Good one though.

intell---Well, are they Native Canadians...Jewish Canadians...or Yukon Canadians (one can see Alaska from Yukon you know)?

Jerry---Amen brother. Which goes to show that even horny toads can think on the fly, as it were.

corticoWhat said...

Great jokes live forever. Have you heard the one about the pickle cutter?

jadedj said...

corticoWhat---They do, they do. I've not hear the pickle cutter tale. Please share it with us. We need more jokes hereabouts, methinks.

Sue said...

laugh out loud funny!!! I can't comment about men, I have only had one in my life, I still have him and it's been 38 yrs, it's true!! :-)))

corticoWhat said...

A man walks in his backdoor one mid-afternoon startling his wife who says, "Honey what are you doing home from work so early." The man with his head down responds, "I've got bad news. I just got fired from the pickle factory." The wife, astonished, says, "My God, what happened!"

"Well," he begins, "for 27 years I've been picking up pickles and putting them in that pickle-cutter, and for 27 years I've been dying to put my dick in it. Well today I DID!"

His wife, wide eyed and open-mouthed, says, Oh my, let me see it." The man unzips and displays a perfectly sound penis.

The wife says, "Well, it looks okay. What happened to the pickle-cutter?"

"Ah, they fired her too."

Ta-dum

Doug said...

No comment, other than I have Native Canadian blood...
;-)

Mr. Charleston said...

How! What tha hell are yew doin making mit die jokes, mensche. Ich will wait-um for that hog caller Punch to see dis!

Mr. Charleston said...

Three guys, a Yank, a German, and a Polak, are trapped on top of a burning building.

The fire department arrives and stretches out a net below them. "Jump" they yell.

The three guys look at each other and the Yank decides to jump. The firemen miss him and he lands on the concrete, killing him instantly.

Next, the German jumps and the same thing happens.

The fire is about to consume the building, but the Polak won't jump. "Jump, jump" the firemen implore him. "We'll catch you, we've know what to do now."

The Polak looks down at them, "Bull shit", he yells. "You put that thing down, and then I'll jump."

jadedj said...

Sue---Good for you, but you are a rarity these days, I think.

crotico---HAR HAR HAR HAR. A perfect vada boom!

Doug---Hey a percent is better than none, I always say. And it's not how large that percent is, it 's how...nah, I'm not going to say it.

Mr. C---Kosher you ain't. The hogs are more Kosher than you.

So C, did you jump?

Punch said...

A blonde gets on an airplane.
She takes her seat, and looks up to see three guys getting on the plane.
To her dismay, they are heading right for the vacant seat next to her.
One seems to be a native american.
Another appears to be of Jewish persuasion.
The last obviously, a RreddNneckkk.

Eager to strike up a conversation, she asks...
Are you three fucks gonna sit in that one seat?

jadedj said...

Punch---That is ferking brilliant.

Punch said...

you are the master, that bring it all to light.

jadedj said...

Punch---Puke.

Punch said...

I rest my case.

the walking man said...

Not so tongue tied that he lost his wit. Good one.

PENolan said...

Y'all
#1
A blonde calls her boyfriend in tears because she has been working on a puzzle of a Tiger for hours and can't get anywhere. When he gets to her house, he says, "Honey, Put the Frosted Flakes back in the box."

#2Love the Pickle Cutter

#3 Love all y'all just because

#4 Real life has taken a serious turn toward an MTV Movie now that Velvet got arrested. Contest for new name imminent
http://tinyurl.com/yypuz9b

tnlib said...

What a way to wake up on a Saturday morning. This is absolutely hilarious.

jadedj said...

Punch---Your case is at the corner liquor store. You will have to furnish your own brown bags, however.

wm---I'm thinking the tongue attribute is a different posting...maybe not.

PE---Good one!

It is good to be loved...and thank you. But are you sure you meant ALL of us?

When I read the arrested part this morning, I went right over to the link and began reading it. Had to quit in the middle because of a minor emergency. I'll get back to it in a little bit.

tnlib---Coming from an very funny person, that makes me feel good!

PENolan said...

Yes, Jaded, every single one - but in small doses. And you have to remember that I change like the wind

Tom Harper said...

My name is LeShawn "The Yankee" Trudeau. Well, your post explained a few things. Now I know why I never get any.

jadedj said...

PE---I do appreciate that.

Tom---There's always next years Nypho Convention. I understand it's being held out your way. Nazel tov, Kemosabe, y'all!

mo.stoneskin said...

Southern Rednecks huh?! Who would have thought.

jadedj said...

mo.---As opposed to the Northern, Western or Eastern redneck...the source of the Southern redneck's endurance is...grits. Gittin' me some grits!

O~ said...

Now THAT was funny - laugh out loud funny!

jadedj said...

Hey O, where have you been? Glad you could stop by and have a chuckle :-)

Harlequin said...

very very funny; this guy can think on his... feet, I guess.

I had a good laugh out loud at this one. thanks

jadedj said...

Harlequin---You are welcome.