Thursday, January 6, 2011

Down - Prick - Meaty

"I am not a good American...I prefer to form my own opinions" - George Carlin

"It's difficult to remember one came to drain the swamp when one is up to one's ass in alligators" - Barack Obama (not really...but it should have been)

My first post of the year...keeping it light...keeping it light and silly.

Pre Google, I used to wonder about, and try to figure out about...things. Of course now, one simply has to type in the word in the white Google blank space, what one is wondering about, and in a nano-second...50 trillion hits...everything you were wondering about that particular thing, is revealed...plus every porno site on the net related to the thing.

In the interest of exercising my old brain, and staving off the memory bank farts, I am going to present you with some of my wonderings which I refuse to "research" on the big "G". Maybe some of you know the answer...without...you know.

NO CHEATING!

A good friend of mine mentioned the other day that he was given a down comforter by his daughter for Christmas. It was his first goose down experience (no, no, do not go there people! Anyway, we are not talking sheep here), and he is impressed. Goose down is a wonderful thing, as he found out. But, I want to know...who was the first person to think of this?



There is no question that it wasn't Adam and Eve, seeing as how they were banished to the desert to wander for 40 years after the fall, and definitely had no need for goose down...or geese for that matter, but just simple leaves, of the olive family. Er, no wait...that was that bearded guy...wandering, that is.

Back to the geese thing. Whomever he or she was, he or she must have been sitting around, goose hunting, or watching geese by a frozen pond and "DING DANG HOT DAMN...those geese don't have on any animal skins thrown over them! Yet...they appear to be warm! " You know Ishmal, maybe we ought to stuff some of them feathers in our goat skins, and get all warmed up." "No wait...silly goosey guy" said Endora...let's stuff some of the DOWN feathers...IN THE LINING of the goat skins...instead!"



As all of you know, the rest is history and goose product at Land's End.

It does occur to me that possibly these same people were sitting around the next Summer, a tad hungry, with not much to eat but roots, and berrys and the occasional grub worm which wanders by...and suddenly "DING DANG HOT DAMN...look at them prickly plants over there...the ones we named Artichoke...I'll bet they would be gooooooood to eat, Ishmal."

But, they were wrong. They are not called prickly plants for nothing, you know? One of them had to seriously think this thing through. Pick em...cut off the tough part there at the end...and the pricks...put em in some water to soften them a bit. Not a helluva lot better though...just somewhat squishier...but less pricking for sure. God knows, we have enough pricks in the world.



They had to wait until the invention of...FIRE. Then they figured out how to boil prickly things in their ollas...(pots to our right wing readers). It was an ingenious idea you must admit...if not short on tummy filling satisfaction. But for fulfillment they still needed...MEAT.

Maybe, just maybe Endora was sitting there looking at her partner and thinking..."I'm wondering just how 'ol Ishmal there would taste with a little hogback, some roots and salt, boiled in a great big ol olla thingy."

Could have happened. You don't know.

Next on Banquet of Consequences - You and Cannibalism...or cannabis...or...que pasa, dude?

30 comments:

Mr. Charleston said...

I can't believe you left out oysters.

And of course you're going to get all sorts of porn site hits when you're googling things like love machines and blow-up dolls.

jadedj said...

Mr. C---This is an installment post. Next post, after Cannibalism will be...oysters...frogs...and other things one rubs on one's body before sex.

Mr. Charleston said...

Cannibalism? What's to wonder about that? Haven't you seen that awful flick about a bunch of South Americans whose plane crashed in the Andes and they had to eat each other to survive? I believe there were a couple of survivors. They must have been particularly obnoxious, even to each other. I know one of them is. He's got spiky white hair and hosts one of those weirdo shows on The Food Channel.

Punch said...

JadedJ...I believe this is a personal best.
One comment and the show is tanked.
Before we get to cannibalism can we at least eat a little pussy while she are still alive?

I don't know maybe it's just me.

Doug said...

It's 4:53 AM. I'll be back.

Punch said...

Let's take another run at this. My guess on the down is 'ms. i'm cold as a witches heart' was cleaning the goose and realized her hands, while covered with feathers were sorta warmer.
My guess on the Artichoke (note the name) is this: perhaps the very first vegetarian was sitting round trying to impress his buddy, who would letter be known as the very, very first Jackass, that he could, would and should eat anything. The sad ending to the story is when he came to hemlock, he provided a who aspect of later society with a group name. I'm going to add this to wikipedia later today

intelliwench said...

Since artichokes were poorly suited to stuffing blankets and pillows, geese were used. But using the whole goose had its disadvantages, so the pluck-n-stuff option was developed. Goose down filled mittens were discovered to be good to wear when harvesting artichokes, though.

Or Punch could be right.

jadedj said...

You all have caused me to snort through my nose me coffee this marning. A most witty bunch those who travel through here. I am in a rush, however, and will be back later to witticit on your witticisms.

Kulkuri said...

How do you get down off an elephant?? Silly boy, you get down off a goose!!

There are any number of things where you wonder who was the first desperate soul to try eating it. Then you watch "Bizarre Foods" and see a whole bunch of things you never considered as remotely edible.

Chimp said...

I like the new Banquest of Consequences - LIGHT. Part of a New Year's resolution? To lose some of that nasty baggage we gained in 2010?

Without using "G", besides the down, the geese provide great liverwurst. They are also great "watch dogs" with a "bark" and a bite. And of course they make a great "turkey" dinner on Thanksgiving.

Of course, the Dodo Down was ythe first one. We got dodoed before we got goosed.

I'm also dumfounded on how the first human figured out artichoke. And the name. Did it come from the Artic? It pricked you but did it choke you?

YELLOWDOG GRANNY said...

yup..I'm with oysters..and who thought to grab a teet off a cow, or goat and say let me have some of that..and cheese...who thought up cheese?...and brine for olives..? I'm so confused.

boomer bob said...

And why is it called goose “down?” Why not goose “up?” Maybe the image is even more difficult to remove from one’s mind.

And “artichoke?” Is that instead of a “realchoke” where someone chokes on goose up?

Here’s a good one for you – UNI. Raw Sea Urchin eaten as sushi. I love the stuff, but who in their right mind would take a sea urchin for the first time, crack it open and eat the insides? Hell, the sight of them alone is enough to want to keep your fingers away from them.

Oh! And did you know catfish bark? Yes indeed they do.

Tom Harper said...

How did they first discover Peyote and its magic effects? (I wouldn't know first hand of course, but there are rumors.)

It has the most Godawful taste -- ahem, that's what I've heard, anyway -- and yet somebody long ago actually forced him/herself to eat a huge chunk of that cactus.

Professor Chaos said...

The first person to think of using down for warmth was me, of course. First I invented fire, but it wasn't very portable.

jadedj said...

Mr. C---So your vote is for hunger...as in starvation...as opposed to just plain old Jonesing for some BBQ Ralph?

Punch---I'm thinking that ain't the only thing that is tanked.

Doug---A.M.? You said A.M.! I'm impressed.

Punch---Perhaps a visit to your public library would be of interest to you. Whilst there, you might want to take a look at Elements of Style, by William Strunk, Jr. Nothing in there regards down, artichokes, or Jackasses, but a whole lot of shit regards un-tying one's tongue.

Wikipedia works.

intell---You Googled it, didn't you?

"Or Punch could be right." Now THAT is scary!

Kulkuri---Or, how do you get up on an elephant? You get up on an elephant with a little weed. Vada boom.

I watched Bizarre Foods once. Such delicacies as, Cod Fish Sperm and Duck fetus eggs smothered in rotten soy beans, kind of cured me of tuning back in.

Chimp---Realizing that we have a new congress in session, the blog just naturally lightened up knowing that we can all rest easy now that the wolves have re-taken the sheep herd.

Are you saying you would eat your watch dog, er goose?

YD G---I think the same person thought of all that shit...so we don't have to.

Hmmmmm, oysters huh? I knew it!

boomer---You raise interesting questions that need...Googling!

But bob, their bark is worse than their bite. It is.

Btw, did you know that some cockroaches can fly...and sing? They can. But, would you eat a flying, singing cockroach?

Tom---Ah yes...now YOU, my friend, are smoking...with questions, that is.

I was once deserted on an island for two days with nothing to eat but cactus bulbs. It was just a run-of-the-mill type cactus, sans magical powers. The bulbs were full of seeds, but I never once considered eating the cactus itself. Smoking it did occur to me.

Professor Chaos---Had I Googled, Professor Chaos...I would have know this. Damn!

As to the fire thingy...portability is exactly why I invented Zippo Lighters. Google it.

jadedj said...
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jadedj said...
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Punch said...

Two (2) posts removed by author? So much for Un-Tying One's tongue.

jadedj said...

Punch---Hey, hey, hey, be nice! Have you never heard of technical difficulties? Assholeo.

Punch said...

It is a poor craftsmen who blames his tools.

jadedj said...

Punch---And it is a poor wordsmith who platitudes his way through life...because he has no tools. Or some shit like that there.

Punch said...

K

jadedj said...

That's Special.

boomer bob said...

"did you know that some cockroaches can fly...and sing?"

Let me guess. They later became known as the Beatles? Or was it a simple case of "The Crickets?"

jadedj said...

boomer---Well no, the cockroaches formed a band in the 70's, and then later when their residuals ran out, and no one was listening to their music any longer, they formed a new political party...the Tea Bagging Cockroaches, or was that, the Cockroaching Tea Baggers...I can never remember.

Be aware that the cockroaches are going to take back their country.

jadedj said...

I am the fluck out of here.

Doug said...

I remember now what is was I couldn't remember at oh-dark-thirty... the title of this reminds me of a lot of my photo blog titles, double-ended, non-sequetorical double-entendres.

jadedj said...

Doug---Astute - Canadian - Exposed

Harlequin said...

you are a funny guy; it's a pleasure to visit your blog... a delight for body, mind and spirit!

jadedj said...

Harlequin---Now there is a nice cup of stroke-my-ego! Thank you mam :-)