Thursday, June 30, 2011

Father Ted, Father Dougal, Father Jack, and me.

"I am not a good American...I prefer to form my own opinions" - George Carlin

One of my favorite British Broadcaster Channel 4 series of a few years back, is Father Ted. The premise was, three Irish Catholic priests who have incurred the displeasure of the church, have been banned to an island parish off the coast of Ireland (Craggy Island).

The infractions that got them exiled:

Father Ted Crilly for misappropriation of charitable donations, the proceeds of which he used to fund a trip to Los Vegas.

Father Dougal McGuire for a number of mysterious infractions,  the only known one being...not believing in the afterlife. We soon find out in the first episode that Father Dougal is also not the brightest star in the sky, but highly likable.

And lastly my favorite, Father Jack Hackett, "an elderly, decrepit, foul-mouthed, lecherous alcoholic priest who frequently lapses into violent behaviour, particularly when his fellow clergy deny him drink or try removing him from his armchair, where he is usually found sleeping (or, more likely, passed out). Left irrevocably damaged by his life of sloth, lechery and alcoholic abuse, he rarely speaks in a coherent manner, instead expressing himself through a series of random shouted words (i.e., "FECK!", "ARSE!", "DRINK!" and "GIRLS!"). In addition, he has "selective" hearing...which brings me to the real reason for this post.

I have a high frequency hearing loss which has gotten worse with age. My main problem is with women's higher pitched voices (yes, I live with three personages of the female persuasion...ain't that an on-high ironic kick?). As long as I can see their lips, there isn't much of a problem, as I have learned to read lips.

The other night, as usual, I shut out lights, locked doors, and secured the house for nocturnal mode. My wife had gone to bed a little before me.

I opened the bedroom door, the lights were out, and my wife said something...
"would you___something".
"Would you jibberjabbernockleswink (might as well been)"
"Would I get the goat????? What?"
"No, no, no...would you nockle the framusawoka?"
"What the fuck are you talking up the wok?"
"Jesus, this sounds like Father Ted."

At this point we both realized that we were in the middle of a Father Jack routine, which brought on uncontrollable laughing, while still trying to communicate. It got worse...the side and back pain. I was hurting bad, I mean baaaaaaaad. I fell on the floor from laughter hurt...AND...I definitely did not know now what the hell she wanted. It had something to do with a scone, a moan, or her phone. The goat was on it's own. And I was hurting too much to get up and turn on the light. Ferk!

Doesn't matter. Conjuring up the miscreants of Father Ted was enjoyable. Here's to  that sublimely creative bunch that created and acted in the series. If you like Irish/British humour (sic)...give a look.

Here is a taste:

In this one, Father Ted is trying to coach Father Jack with phrases to use with the upcoming bishop's visit...other than Ferk, Arse, Drink and Girls:


Debra She Who Seeks said...

Down with this sort of thing, I say! I adore Father Ted and the boys -- I've got the entire series on DVD. And I agree -- you and your wife were definitely in the middle of a Father Ted routine!

Brett Payne said...

Having just been officially diagnosed with a similar moderate degree of high frequency hearing loss, which I now realise I must've had just about for ever, I've started wearing hearing aids, and I haven't even hit the big 5-0. Not as bad I was scared it would be, in fact I hardly notice they're there, and it makes a huge difference to what I can hear. Strangely, all those women in the house have stopped mumbling too!

Mr. Charleston said...

Jeez, I wish my wife responded with laughter instead of a stoney silence. But WTF? Having the same problem I went asearching for some hearing aids and found a $4,000 pair for $2,000 online at Hear Source. Plus, they give you the computer program so you can configure them yourself and not have to run back to the specialist every time you want an adjustment. I got the mini-behind-the-ear ones and they work great for hearing aids, but you'll never get your ears back.


jadedj said...

DSWS---I just knew there was something about you that screamed Father Ted! Drink!

Brett---Yeah, this has been hanging on with me since my mid-twenties. Mostly, if not mainly, the result of firing too damned many army firearms back when nobody gave a crap. Can't prove it though.

I do have a hearing aid I bought on line that's not too bad and works fairly well...even in the dark, yuk, yuk. But I forget to use it far too often. I really need two in the ear canal numbers, customized to my particular problem.

Mr. C---That's probably what I need to do, but I never seem to have the extra cash to do so. And no insurance company in America recognizes this problem. I am shit out of luck, minus Shinola, thus far...unless we go socialist the next election.

The good news is, I can't understand most of what Michelle Bachmann has to say...but then, who can.

Brett Payne said...

I was lucky, I inherited my daughters old set - she's had hearing aids since the age of 3, so it's time for me to see how it feels, I guess. Cost me nothing, and I would probably not have done anything about it until I was thrown out of the old age home for irascibility. I wondered if my loss was something to do with exposure of that sort, so I asked the audiologist. She said that with my pattern, it's unlikely. Probably hereditary in my case, as my grandmother had a severe hearing loss too.

Doug said...

I've been driving a truck for a very long time. I started worrying years ago about losing my hearing, but so far I only have trouble hearing people who mumble. After close to three years in this apartment, still no female voices to misinterpret...


feckity feck feck feck

Chimp said...

I have always loved British humor and confess I had not met Father Ted.

Worse of all is that this humor mirrors reality.

The pastor in my church was eventually moved to a retirement home at an undisclosed destination when it was discovered that he took vacations in Las Vegas and frequented prostitutes (male, female?). With who's money?

As an altar boy, I knew him to be an lush, never accepting water during mass - only wine.

jadedj said...

Brett---Sorry to hear that about your daughter.

I don't recall anyone in my family being hard of hearing, so I'm pretty sure mine is not has to be the call to arms that did it.

Doug---Yep, mumblers. Enunciation...or lack of, doesn't help. Also, my oldest daughter tends to talk too fast. When she is talking to her friends, forget it.

As to the lack of female voices, my friend Punch would tell you to count your blessings. I DIDN'T SAY THAT, mind you.

YDG---Hot damn...your favorite word with an "e"!

Chimp---Apparently the creators of Father Ted had the same experiences as you. A sad comment on the Catholic Church really.

The Plashing Vole said...

Wonderful. One of my friends, Liam, was the annoying blind man in the aeroplane episode. He is actually blind. Just not annoying.

jadedj said...

T P V---That is terrific! I vaguely remember that one, but I'm going to find it and watch it again.

Punch said...


jadedj said...


PENolan said...

Oh dear, that video made me snort

Tom Harper said...

I haven't heard of that show, but I'd probably like it. I loved Monty Python, Fawlty Towers, Good Neighbors and Benny Hill.

jadedj said...

Tricia---A little snort in one's life is a good thing now and then. And btw, I also snorted when I read your comment.

Tom---I think so. Also, check out Black Books. Irreverent, witty and damned funny, especially after you've come to know the characters.

Harlequin said...

i liked your episode more than father ted's.... but both were good.

my second ex-spouse had a significant hearing loss as well.... he often had trouble with television noise. i remember one word confusion .... he was listening to a commercial for a winter boot, brand name " prospectors" and the jingle was " comfortable, waterproof prospectors" with the voice dropping somewhat on the last word. we were both listening to the commercial and he turned to me and asked " did that guy just day ' comfortable waterproof cocksuckers'? "
swear to god. i couldn't make this stuff up.
you see where blogs can take the mind??

Ol'Buzzard said...

I thought my wife and I were the only ones that watch Father Ted. We have an ol 8-track that we watch every December: "Father Ted's Christmas. It is just about gone.
the Ol'Buzzard

jadedj said...

Harlequin---I know that commerical! That explains a lot after all these years wondering how they got it past the censors.

Ol'B---Well you can still find it in bits and pieces on YouTube.

I am glad to find another fan out there.

Have you run across Super Hero, starring the actor to plays Father Dougal (his name escapes me at the moment). He made it after Father Ted. The casting was perfect.

Dusty,Hells most vocal Bitch said...

It's eons of loud rock music in close proximity to moi regarding my hearing loss.

I damn near fell out of my friggin chair w/painful laughter-itis whilst reading this.If only our similar sessions ended up in laughter, I usually just start screaming my request so everyone within half a block of my house can then hear I sign language it to make sure after the 15th attempt. ;-)

jadedj said...

D,HmvB---Hey, thanks for the visit, the comment and the follow!

I took a look at your web page...nicely designed, and definitely in my political sphere. I couldn't find a way to follow, but I did bookmark it.

It would seem that the hearing thing, at least in your case, had a purpose. Mine was a waste of hearing hair nerve endings and ammo.

I've used the sign language card as well. Of course, I'm limited to the one-digit version, which generally increases the testosterone level of male observers, and the PMS level of female observers.

Being audio challenged ain't pretty, as you know.

Dusty,Hells most vocal Bitch said...

Thank you for visiting my humble blog. There is a subscribe widget down the far right sidebar some-friggin-where. I am still in build/tinker mode, I just got sick and tired of Blogger after 6 years and moved it all over to the WP Platform and my own domain, done very cheaply by the misogynistic Arizonians at

The Ball n'Chain honors me w/the one finger salute when I commence screaming my request. Bless his lil black heart.

jadedj said...

As you now know, despite my limited attention span, I did find the subscribe widget...and also...stole, er, was inspired for my next post by your cartoon.

Hey, even a finger salute acknowledges your existence. Be proud.

Dusty,Hells most vocal Bitch said...

Oh I am proud..and I do adore the Ball n' Chain..even if it is his fault my happy ass is stuck in Bako. ;-P

jadedj said...

D,HmvB---HAR, HAR, HAR...this sounds familiar. How do you think I ended up on the plain Plains.?