Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Back Door Front Load Out of the Boxers

"I am not a good American...I prefer to form my own opinions" - George Carlin

 Now and then, in addition to her regular job my wife does independent contract work for a merchandising company in another state. Usually she does it on a Saturday and I help her out. It gets done quickly and makes for easy supplemental money, really. The negative part is, the people who work in the "supervisory" positions, are quintessential corporatese zeros, spewing the "listen to me, I am an important corporate jingo Jane/John"  who loves being on the "same page"..."out of the box"..."24/7"..."proactively".

The emails they send out crack my ass, and make it suck egg. This one today:

"...this is an example as to why (censored) Merchandising needs all IC’s to “Front Load” every project.  Front Loading is completing your assigned projects at the “Front” of the project and not the “End. LET'S HIT THIS ONE OUT OF THE BALLPARK PEOPLE!"

Give me a fricking break jackwads...it's a part-time gig. All of your employees, beyond your strip mall office, are IN.DE.PEN.DENT  CON.TRAC.TORS, working one day a week, or so.  They are not upwardly mobile, suck your teats. rising wannabes. In fact, they wouldn't even know your corporate whore ass name if they were able to make ends meet without this bullshit. See? So, quit with the cheerleader platitudes, and all caps fake enthusiasm. Because if I ever meet your stupid ass in a dark alley next to the strip mall there, I am going to show you some real front load...in the back door!

Yes, this is classified as a rant, because my suck wind factor is at 10 when I deal with the big C state of mind. It makes me...shed...because they just aren't on my plate.

I love the following video. It very much says it all for me. It's by some extremely talented young dudes...well, younger than me...but who isn't...except a couple of old coots who frequent this blog:

27 comments:

squatlo said...

Hey, glad you're back! Been a while since I've been flagged to check this site out, and you came back with a GREAT POST!!!

You managed to capture all the catch-phrases of the annoying pricks in post. Well damn done.

jadedj said...

squatlo---This couldn't come from a more admired source...if not, equally annoyed as I with the horseshit contingent all around us source. Thank you.

Mr. Charleston said...

What a whiner! You got a lame ass, good paying gig, and all you can do is bitch because they want their work on time. Jeeez.

signed: Old Coot #1

Punch said...

I thought rap music was always done by black dudes with baggie pants and bling? Musta missed something.

jadedj said...

Mr. C---This brings it all together. The fuckwads are in Baja Georgia, near the bridge with a "D" name, and killer squirrels WHO raid bird feeders...and...and...they are on a river. Hmmm. Yes, it all points to...Mr. Corporate, which is the same initial as...C H A R L E S T O N.

Take your job and shove it...Mr. Chameleon lizard!

Punch---Huh? What fucking rap?

Have you been going up there to Baja, and hanging out on the river front with that lizard asshole...smoking those illegal cigars?

Punch said...

Huh? I did not understand the arm thing they were doing.

Mr. Charleston said...

Huh? I have no idea what you are ranting about. Fortunately, neither does anyone else. Have you been out in the sun too long or simply going crazy from boredom?

Kulkuri said...

Who you calling an old coot???

The e-mail shows someone that doesn't know shit about effective management. But that seems to be par for the course these days.

Chimp said...

Hey. JJ. You talking 'bout me? I may be old but I'm as young as I feel. (I can't feel anything. My hands are going numb).

Yep, our Corporacrasy (or craporacrasy) has totally enveloped our country. Obama has jumped in with both feet: "Save Social Security, by taking it away from old people!"

Love the video (stealing it).

Ol'Buzzard said...

Old coot who frequent this blog? I resemble that remark. Thanks a lot.
the Ol'Buzzard

jadedj said...

Punch---Semaphore.

Mr. C---It's all in the semaphore.

Kulkuri---When I wrote that, I actually had two other old coots in mind.

Oh, and I agree.

Chimp---When your head starts getting numb, then it's time to worry.

Btw I am sure that you have already read today's cheery news regarding Social Security and Medicare cuts.

jadedj said...

Ol'B---Oops, you commented as I was doing the same.

See my remark to Kulkuri. It applied to two other contentious old farts...they know who they are.

YELLOWDOG GRANNY said...

screw the post, the comments are hysterical.

Tom Harper said...

Now now, let's not be negative. We all need to get in there with our sleeves rolled up, focus on our goals, and make Company X even more productive this year.

Come on, Team, turn those frowns upside down.

jadedj said...

YD G---Yep, I've been thinking about dispensing with the posts, and just posting comments.

Tom---Uh huh...a closet company man, eh?

Dusty,Hells most vocal Bitch said...

Yer calling me an Ole Coot? Damn you, damn you Sir!

BTW, when I blew out my back four years ago, I was working for a Corporation just like the one your wife does. Matches the marketing jackasses in Chicago to a friggin T dude! Except that they were only supposed to work me no more than 20 hours a week and since they couldn't find any other nitwits to do the very physical job, they gave me upwards of 40+ hours a week and being a team player my dumb ass did it all..on time to boot.

Punch said...

Coots are medium-sized water birds that are members of the rail family Rallidae. They constitute the genus Fulica. Coots have predominantly black plumage, and, unlike many of the rails, they are usually easy to see, often swimming in open water. They are close relatives of the moorhen.
The greatest species variety is in South America, and it is likely that the genus originated there. They are common in Europe and North America.
They have prominent frontal shields or other decoration on the forehead, and coloured bills, and many, but not all, have white on the under tail. Like other rails, they have lobed toes. The featherless shield gave rise to the expression "as bald as a coot", which the Oxford English Dictionary cites in use as early as 1430. A group of coots may be referred to as a covert.

jadedj said...

D,H m v B---I never considered you to be an old coot...well, not a coot at least (kidding). I guarantee you one of my regular old coots will be giving me a definition of coots...oops...yep...the next comment. Do I know my OLD coots, or what?

My wife's regular job isn't too much better, except it is on the payroll, and the benefits are sweet...mostly. They do have that 1984 New speak way about them though.

If you have been in merchandising, or marketing, or retail anything, for that matter, you are going to get bent over quite frequently. I just hate listening to their bs murder of the Queen's Anglo.

Punch---First it's semaphore, and now I have to explain metaphor. What is your problem with the phors, dude?

Dusty,Hells most vocal Bitch said...

But..but..but..I am an old coot! What is the female version of said coot?

I just hate the rah rah bs and like you, how they murder our language.

Doug said...

I have read our corporate mission statement. So glad that those who wrote it are 150 miles away from our little satellite office and generally ignore us.
Synergize!
My ass.

jadedj said...

D,H m v B---Pooter. Old Pooter. Er, no, wait...Cooter...Old Cooter.

There is no question that we're both off the bench and in the showers on this.

Doug---Absolute mistake...DO.NOT.READ.THE.MISSION.STATEMENTS!

Dusty,Hells most vocal Bitch said...

Ain't both those places located at each end of the 'taint?

Ok, Maddow is on and I am primed to watch her, gawd bless 4:20 'n all.

jadedj said...

D (can I call you D...I'm too lazy to type the rest of it?)---This is good, because this shit is cutting seriously into my NetFlix time, and the way my wireless router has been cutting out lately, I have to take advantage of what streaming time I can get. Give Rachel my best.

Punch said...

Semaphores are often used to restrict the number of threads than can access some (physical or logical) resource

Metaphors are comparisons that show how two things that are not alike in most ways are similar in one important way. A metaphor is more forceful (active) than an analogy, because metaphor asserts two things are the same, whereas analogy implies a difference; other rhetorical comparative figures of speech, such as metonymy , parable, simile and synecdoche, are species of metaphor distinguished by how the comparison is communicated. The metaphor category also contains these specialized types:
Allegory: An extended metaphor wherein a story illustrates an important attribute of the subject.
Catachresis: A mixed metaphor used by design and accident (a rhetorical fault).
Parable: An extended metaphor narrated as an anecdote illustrating and teaching a moral lesson.

jadedj said...

Punch---It occurs to me...in between the INTERRUPTIONS of my Netflix time, that you, my old cooter friend, have far too much time on your hands. Perhaps a hobby is in order...oh, say, a local Bingo League or some such. Or maybe that shuffleboard park, down there by the riverside. I am sure you will meet many like minded idlers down there. At least, this is what Mr. C tells me.

Harlequin said...

great comments :)

long live the old coots!

i have to say, the visual of your cracked arse sucking an egg is hard to get out of my mind... stellar prose.

and i liked the rap... thanks for sharing.

jadedj said...

Harlequin---As usual, you inflate my head. Thank you.