Last week I had to replace our network wireless router. We have several things linked to it...printer...Wii...Netflix...and our Dish Network DVR. Before I sat down to install it, I did research in manuals and online so that I could get everything re-oriented with the new router without problems. The only device that simply didn't give me any clue about what to do was Dish Network. So, because I have a hearing problem on the phone with lady types, and the chance of encountering a lady type on a help desk is...well...50/50, I went to their online chat help desk. This is how it went. Not made up...the actual conversation. I only changed the help desk person's name so that Dish doesn't sue the bejesus out of me:
Welcome to DISH Network Chat.
5 minutes later:
Maude (ID:xxx): How may I help you today? Yep, a lady type. Good move JJ.
Me: I need to replace my wireless router. Is there anything I need to do with my dish set-up? Obviously the wireless address is going to change, but will Dish automatically adjust to that and recognize it? And if not, where do I go on the Dish menu to change the router address?
4 minutes later:
Maude (ID: xxx): I will be happy to assist you with your request.
Maude (ID:xxx): For security purposes, would you please verify the last four digits of the Social Security Number on the account?
Me: Hold for a minute please.
Maude (ID:xxx): Sure.
Me: 0000...that's my wife's...the acct is in her name
Maude (ID:xxx): Thank you.
5 minutes later:
Maude (ID:xxx): You just need to send the wireless adaptor and the amount will be adjusted to your bill. Wha...?
Maude (ID:xxx): JJ (yes, I changed it!), not to worry, the amount will be adjusted to your account. WTF are you talking about?
Maude (ID:xxx): Is there anything else I may assist you with?
Me: Maude, I don't think you understand my question. I am replacing my wireless router, which has nothing to do with Dish except that two of our tvs communicate with the DVR through our wireless router. I just want to know if I need to reset the Dish settings somewhere, or will it automatically recognize the new router.
Maude (ID:xxx): Thank you for your clarification. Clarification?
5 minutes later:
Maude (ID:xxx): I misunderstood it because, if you purchase the adaptor you can return the adaptor with in 30 days so I misunderstood it in that way. However the answer to your question is yes, the receiver will recognize your new adaptor. Misunderstood? I did not purchase an "adaptor"...I am returning nothing...I am installing a new ROUTER! Are you in the middle of a lobotomization?
Me: It's not an adaptor...it's a WIRELESS ROUTER.
Maude (iD:xxx): Yes, the receiver will recognize your new adaptor. Why do I not have faith in this help desk person? Router = Adaptor. Question = non sequitur answer. Help Desk = Idjit (possibly in Inja, fucking a sacred cow...on the help desk...whilst making a video for YouTube...who the fuck knows).
Me: Thank you for your help :) Hang it up JJ. Move on. Punt when the Dish thing doesn't work on the new router...who gives a flying fart.
Maude (ID:xxx): You're welcome.
Maude (ID:xxx): Is there anything else I may assist you with? Not a thing, Maude. Have a nice day and give my regards to Bollywood.
In case you are wondering...it recognized the new ROUTER. I just couldn't ADAPT to her.