Thursday, July 21, 2011

Warning!

"I am not a good American...I prefer to form my own opinions" - George Carlin

These came from HappyPlace.com.












































27 comments:

Doug said...

Illiterate? We can help!

Chimp said...

THEY ARE ALL TOO FERKEN FUNNY!!! Why would one stick a screw driver into a penis? Let's see. Screw is what a penis does. Driver? Owner of the penis? Use a screw driver to drive the penis to screw? Makes lots of sense to me!

YELLOWDOG GRANNY said...

my mind? it is boggled.

Sue said...

thanks for the laughs!! I love the penis one too!

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Hahahaha -- love the one about how to check a shitty diaper! People would only try it the wrong way ONCE!

jadedj said...

Doug---It's just too damned hot to help...here, that is.

Chimp---Some things defy analysis, methinks.

YD G---I'm thinking you bear watching.

Sue---You and Chimp. Hmmmmmmmm.

DSWS---I can say, I have changed a whole gaggle of diapers in my time. Not once did I stick my hand down in there intentionally. The nose knows what it's doing.

Bob said...

And to think I was gonna snack on an iPod while wearing my hat on my foot.
Whooosh....dodged that bullet.

jadedj said...

Bob---I am glad this was of service to you.

Alas, that's not the case with me...I'm going to have to start carrying my money in some other container.

Tom Harper said...

Let them arrest me, but I will continue to practice my God-given right to feed animals from my mouth.

jadedj said...

Tom---Me too! Well, as long as it is a she animal on two legs, with large...eyes...and calls me the Big Kahuna.

Punch said...

Be Aware of Invisibility. See, this is a good one. As life progresses all men realize that one day all young, nubile and lovely women will not be able to see them. This is the invisibility I am most aware of.

jadedj said...

Punch---In your case, for good damned reason, pal.

Me? Why just today, I was at the drive through of my pharmacy getting my old guy pills and a lovely ashen blond nubiler crossed the path of my vehicle and made eye contact with...nevermind.

intelliwench said...

In spite of all the warnings, I don't really believe that anything will save us from ourselves.

(PS - @ Punch - get yourself a puppy. My ex got lots of attention when he'd take our dog out with him.)

jadedj said...

intell---It is good that you have something to be saved from...maybe?

Btw, Ripper...Punch's cat...would not take kindly to a puppy in his domain. Several have disappeared in his neighborhood over the years. I'm not pointing fingers, mind you...but Punch trained that cat.

Punch said...

Intelli…thanks for the help. I can’t decide on a border collie or a shitzu. Don’t pay any attention to jadedj.
Jadedj…I thought we had agreed to not talk about ‘Jack’ while I was trying to attract nubile aspects of our great country. I have tried to make it abundantly clear that all those dogs were in His territorial space. I apologized to the owner of the first one but the other 7 were on their own, ya know, having heard the yelps of the ones that had gone before. He gave them fair warning, what with the arched back and straight puffed tail and damn that banshee like hiss, but NOoooooo they just had to run up to him and bark right in his face. That first claw mark usually does the trick, if not I get back in the house.

jadedj said...

Punch---Yes, but a puppy? My God man, a poor little cuddly furry big brown eyed puppy? What kind of monster have you created? I think you need to quit feeding that cat road kill.

Susan said...

You and Yellowdog Granny sure know how to use images to tell us a story!

Susan said...

I stole the one about money and underwear.

jadedj said...

Susan---Well that puts me in good company.

Susan---Whoa...you stole my money...and...undies?

Harlequin said...

great stuff; nothing funnier ...or more absurd.... than everyday life.

jadedj said...

Harlequin---Yes. Although I suspect a couple of them were Photoshopped.

Chimp said...

Best way I know on how to use a dollar bill: To wipe my butt and to buy a Senior Coffee at McDonald's.

Professor Chaos said...

If you can't stick 'em in your penis, what's the point?

squatlo said...

I like the SUV commercial they used to show in which the family drives off across the bottom of the ocean, looking at the fish swimming past, and at the bottom of the screen they had to put a disclaimer "Do Not Attempt" or something, or some idiot would have driven his Explorer into the river to do the same thing.
Idiots, they're everywhere you wanna be!

jadedj said...

Chimp---Note to self - Never accept a cup of coffee from Chimp.

Professor---It hurts to even discuss this.

squatlo---I think they are referring to the Eddie Bauer Edition...not the Jacques Cousteau Edition. Just guessing.

Chimp said...

On that DANGER WATER IN THE POOL sign, was it because it was HARD water?

jadedj said...

Chimp---It's a Washington D.C. pool. Leeches.