Thursday, March 22, 2012

Come Fly With Me?

"I am not a good American...I prefer to form my own opinions" - George Carlin


You know the're waiting at your terminal, and in walks that person who causes you to immediately think..."oh sweet Jesus, please, please, PLEAAAAAAAAAAAASE don't seat them next to me. Okay, maybe not sweet Jesus but, a plea to some higher seeing order than yourself (yes, the sweet Flying Spaghetti Monster qualifies). Whatever rocks your socks...floats your boat...pulls your pudd..."whatever gets you through the night" (thank you Etta James). I am sure you get the picture. Speaking of:

So much for religion, and now on to the MEAT of the matter:

Just in case of stomach turbulence. Or, exploding crotch rot (could bring the plane down, you know).

Tits on wheels! Yes...they are real. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Oh sweet Jesus Spaghetti M!

Low-fat yogurt, eh?

This fucker is getting bitch slapped if he sits next to moi!

Uh, er, uh...eeeeeew...arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh...sheeeeeeeeit...get me off this plane!

This causes me major scrotum pain...MAJOR. Uh, stewardess...he really wants to sit next to the guy in the modified teddy...really, he does...seriously. His wife told me so.


Bella said...

a few shake your head WTF mugshots! holey shiz!

jadedj said...

Bella---When one flies, one takes one's shiz into one's hands, it seems.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Woo hoo! Love the party tits on the older lady! You go, girl!

Mr. Charleston said...

thank's. now i remember why i don't fly anymore. Of course, it could also be because i don't have anyplace to go or money to get there.

Doug said... can afford to fly?

The Constitutional Insurgent said...

Doug took the words right out of my head!

jadedj said...

D S W S---It is uplifting, isn't it.

Mr. C---Well, the good news is, you can remember...quite a feat...considering.

Doug---Welfare recipients. It is well know (in conservative circles) that they always have spare cash for flitting about...not to mention, drugs.

T C I---Doug is infamous for this. Also, sometimes he takes it right out of one's eye.

the walking man said...

Another reason to not ever fly again. Where the hell were you Wal-Mart international airport?

Chimp said...

I still remember when most air passengers dressed like they were going to church. Now, the above is common. Does this say something about our society?

The Future Was Yesterday said...

No puking, slobbering, wailing Cookie Monster?

mo.stoneskin said...

I hate flying because I don't like being in the air, although I suppose when I think about it I'm probably more afraid of exploding crotch rot, not that I've any experience of it. I guess going forward, as long as pray to the Spaghetti Monster I should be ok.

the yellow fringe said...

If I can drive there in under 12 hours, I ain't gett'n into an aluminum tube with that crowd.

Sarge said...

You need to be in a airport late, late, at night when the terminal is deserted. I got stranded a Philly because of weather - Some scary ass freaks came through that place that night. The airlines wouldn't put me in a hotel and the USO (where I was safe) closed at midnight. I gladly climbed about that SW flight to IND at 6 am.


intelliwench said...

When I'm at an airport hub waiting to connect to a flight to TRI I like to play "guess who's flying in to Bubbaville Regional Airport" -- I think I've seen some of those folks, except with bigger hair.

Tom Harper said...

Ah, the joys of air travel.

Who's that ambitious-looking high school kid in the bottom picture? I say that kid is going places. He'll be president someday.


holyfuckme..if that's what they look like if they fly...can you imagine what they look like on the greyhound?

Punch said...

I am pleased to find you understand the power of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. I have be a reluctant follower for several years now. Every time that I attempt to deny the truth of the Flying Spaghetti Monster I am brought to yet another logic defying realization of the presence of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. FSM for short. Used in writing but when read out loud pronounced ‘Flying Spaghetti Monster.

But following the enlightened picture of the FSM I find picture after photo after pic after snapshot of the net result of eating toooooo much Spaghetti and MeatBalls. Well, ‘xcept for the Tits on Wheels, you just gotta love her style.

Speaking of Tits, take Rick Santorum, please! I mean talk about tits on a boar Hog. He is just about as useful. I would venture a guess that one of the reasons he is soo against Birth Control is that as a young boy he would hear his mother crying herself to sleep every night saying over and over and over, all most like a mantra,

“If I had only used birth control,
“If I had only used birth control,
“If I had only used birth control,
“If I had only used birth control,
“If I had only used birth control,

Harlequin said...

oh, my.
that was a perfect photo to finish off that rogues' gallery that preceded it. eewww on all counts.


jadedj said...


Punch---A bit early in the day for this but, it does occur to me that FSM could also stand for Frothy Sado Masochist. Which, of course, gives the initials a double meaning as pertains to this post: results of a certain sexual act AND noodles (yet a second second meaning, if you get my, er...meaning).

More succinctly put:
Frothy = Santorum.
Noodle = spaghetti/his dick.

As to his mother, we best leave mothersfucked out of the discussion.

Harlequin---Wow it is ;-)

Beach Bum said...

Being 6-foot, 5-inches tall flying for me is a form of torture just because I always sit behind some fool who slams his or her seat backwards right after take off.

As for being one of those strange folks you do not want to sit next to I accidently became one once in Austin, Texas.

Long story very short, was in the terminal minding my own business while waiting for my flight when I saw a women out of the corner of my eye who dressed and walked very much like my sister-in-law.

Looked up and caught the eye of that woman and by accidental instinct made the mistake of smiling at her. Knew I made a mistake right there but did not think much of it until I boarded the plane and saw I had to sit next her. I could go into details but all I will write was that it was very uncomfortable for me because I felt like the woman was both insulted and scared by my presence. That made her even more like my sister-in-law.

jadedj said...

B B---Holy crap dude...that was my sister! She still tells the tale at family gatherings...but it was much juicier ;-)

Bret Alan said...

Young Rick Santorum looks like McLovin.

jadedj said...

Bret---Separated at birth.

Professor Chaos said...

all I'm seeing is a bunch of invitations to join the Mile-High Club!

jadedj said...

Professor---This is their METHod.