A would-be saboteur arrested today at the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland made the bizarre claim that he was from the future. Eloi Cole, a strangely dressed young man, said that he had travelled back in time to prevent the LHC from destroying the world.The LHC successfully collided particles at record force earlier this week, a milestone Mr Cole was attempting to disrupt by stopping supplies of Mountain Dew to the experiment's vending machines. He also claimed responsibility for the infamous baguette sabotage in November last year.
Mr Cole was seized by Swiss police after CERN security guards spotted him rooting around in bins. He explained that he was looking for fuel for his 'time machine power unit', a device that resembled a kitchen blender.
Police said Mr Cole, who was wearing a bow tie and rather too much tweed for his age, would not reveal his country of origin. "Countries do not exist where I am from. The discovery of the Higgs boson led to limitless power, the elimination of poverty and Kit-Kats for everyone. It is a communist chocolate hellhole and I'm here to stop it ever happening."
This isn't the first time time-travel has been blamed for mishaps at the LHC. Last year, the Japanese physicist Masao Ninomiya and Danish string-theory pioneer Holger Bech Nielsen put forward the hypothesis that the Higgs boson was so "abhorrent" that it somehow caused a ripple in time that prevented its own discovery.
Professor Brian Cox, a former CERN physicist and full-time rock'n'roll TV scientist, was sympathetic to Mr Cole. "Bless him, he sounds harmless enough. At least he didn't mention bloody black holes."
Mr Cole was taken to a secure mental health facility in Geneva but later disappeared from his cell. Police are baffled, but not that bothered.
My brother sent me this today, April 5Th. It appeared on CNET UK. I thought, I need to post this bizarre story on my blog. This could have involved Punch and Mr. Charleston over their weekend at the races in Sarasota...I mean, if there ever were two time travelers, with or without a phone booth, and certainly with knowledge of spaciness, these two qualify. Maybe they know this dude, you know.
Well, I went back to retrieve the story and post it...I looked at the top and what did I see? APRIL 1, 2010! I had been had...by my arse hole of a brother. Yes me, the Jade of jadiness.
He got me.
My mother never liked him. This is a good example of why.
ADDENDUM:
Okay, strange things going on here...I had 5 comments about this post. Bucko added another. I came over to respond to it. Did. Then the comment thingy said...1 comment...mine. Refreshed...then there were...NONE. Collider? Holy shit.
