Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Dudes...Bros...and Fellow Fellows...

NOTICE-THIS IS AN EQUAL OPPORTUNITY TONGUE-IN-CHEEK BLOG.

they do have a way of cutting to the quick...the other half that is. God love them (honey, are you listening?).

Soooooooo...heading out the door, talking to my wife on the phone...find my wallet, put it in my hip pocket...find my car keys, in my hand...looking for...damn, what the hell did I do with it. "Let's have fish for dinner"..."OK, sure...hold on"..."damnit"..."what's wrong?"..."nothing, hold on"..."just tell me, I need to get off the phone, I have another call"..."just a minute, just a minute, this is serious"..."WHAT is serious? Will you just tell me, I NEED TO GET OFF THE PHONE...I DO HAVE A JOB TO PERFORM, YOU KNOW"..."crap, I can't find it"..."can't find what?"..."my fucking phone, Goddamnit!"...pause..."how did you call me?"..."Yes, fish sounds fine, honey."

27 comments:

Tom Harper said...

Uh, I was gonna, uhh...

jadedj said...

Tom---yep.

Punch said...

Chuckle. My case was a pair of sunglasses on my forehead.
Oh, and please.
Don't sit for a portrait befor coffee and a comb, in front of a mirror

Holte Ender said...

Sounds like a good marriage to me.

Doug said...

I have done that, but only once. Maybe twice...

mo.stoneskin said...

Classic.

We moved house over the weekend.

Yesterday I get a call from my wife, who is flustered and a bit panicky.

"Did you take the front door key?"

"Nope"

"What about the back door key?"

"Nope"

"Check your pockets, you MUST have the keys"

I paused for a second. Now wear could the keys be.

"Um, you DID check the key rack right? Where all the keys are on little hooks side by side with neat little labels identifying what unlocks what?"

What do you reckon. Had she even checked THE KEY RACK?!!!

the walking man said...

I wish I had some incident like that to report but to be honest I am the one who was always called away from work or whatever to unlock the car, open the door, or bring the forgotten whatever. Leaving the house is about the only time I am truly organized.

Mr. Charleston said...

I used to be organized. But now, with a jabbering wife and three dogs trying to rush the door it sometimes takes two or three trips to finally retrieve everything. And I am guilty of trying to find the cell while talking on it. Usually after a martini or two.

jadedj said...

Punch---I DID have coffee and brushed my hair...assholeo.

Holte---The secret is knowing that no means yes...yes means no...and never, ever give an opinion which involves, make up, hairdo, clothing, or weight. Ever.

Doug---You do know this tale is a piece of fiction, don't you? OK, I'm lying.

Mo.---Usually it is my wife that has these brain farts, or loses her keys, credit card, phone. I have a place for my keys, my wallet, my phone and anything else I might leave the house with. That is why this particular incident was so ferking poignant...to her.

corticoWhat said...

Hitting the light switch over and over while looking for candles because the electricity is off. Idiocy!

jadedj said...

cortico---Har har har. I see.

intelliwench said...

How'd that side of crow taste with your fish, J?

jadedj said...

intell---A bitter meal, indeed, wench.

Stephen said...

Well... I am a gay man, but I am a spouse, & I want to say that if that happened to me, you would come home to a stinky raw fish on a beautifully set table & I would be out at dinner with friends.

jadedj said...

Stephen---One person's stinky raw fish is another's sushi.

Punch said...

Oh.

boomer bob said...

I'm with jadedj - turn the phone off and head to Sushi Manda, be it breakfast, lunch or dinner. There's nothing like a Kirin and some yellow tail with uni fo desert.

Now you're talking. And who was that lady you were speaking to this morning?

jadedj said...

boomer bob---That was no lady, that was my wife...vada boom vada boom!

boomer bob said...

Better watch those "vada booms." They'll be accompanying you to the sofa tonight :-)

Punch said...

I just got back from a vacation. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
vada boom

jadedj said...

boomer bob---Now you tell me!

Punch---...take my mother-in-law...please.

Chimp said...

I have tried to use my cell phone to change the channels and it took a while before I realized why it wasn't working.

jadedj said...

Chimp---I had the same thing happen to me...found out I was holding my mouth wrong. Try scruwching it to the right next time.

Elizabeth said...

and never, ever give an opinion which involves, make up, hairdo, clothing, or weight. Ever.

Oh, but JJ, dear, please do give such opinions -- and with abundance. Just remember to keep them always positive. As in, "Honey, your hair (dress, what-have-you) looks so lovely (hot, what-have-you) today."

Do it at least once a day and I guarantee you marital success in no time.

jadedj said...

Elizabeth---Duly noted. And I am sending this advice to boomer bob as well.

Harlequin said...

it's ok... my past four years, since turning 50, have been a series of adventures like this. I seem to have developed the CRAFT disease: can't remember a f*#@ing thing.
but I am developing a much more refined and subtle sense of humour.

jadedj said...

Harlequin---Har har har, CRAFT...I like that one!