Sunday, July 11, 2010

Enjoy your banana...but hold it correctly

NOTICE-THIS IS AN EQUAL OPPORTUNITY TONGUE-IN-CHEEK BLOG.

Beat the dead horse! Beat the dead horse, JJ! Me beat the dead horsey, moi.

More atheist nightmare and proof of the existence of Yahmeh, er, Yahweh...sorry, I can't help it...I'm not in control. Meh (I am under the influence of her Mehness, intelliwench, er, intellimeh).

BTW - for those of you who prefer scientific facts to made up bullshit...check out the history of the banana. The contemporary banana, made popular by the U.S. firm, United Fruit Company, which influenced the politics of many Latin American countries, giving rise to the term "Banana Republic", is a hybred.

"The banana as we know it today is a specifically-grown species of the wild banana. It originated from seed bearing relatives in the Pacific and the South-East of Asia. The wild banana was not edible, but it was discovered that by crossing two inedible, wild species, one could grow a sterile plant that bore the banana as we know it today. Because of its sterility, once this new edible fruit was discovered, it was spread using offshoots from the base of the plant."

With this in mind, I invite you to watch the video claiming "proof" of Yahweh's existence.

HEADS UP...if you recently had an operation and are still sporting stitches, you might not want to watch this. Your laughter could bust the sutures. Just sayin'.

Note-the captions, are not mine.

51 comments:

RealityZone said...

OMG-----ROFLMFAO
RE "the contents won't SQUIRT in your face."


Wanna bet???
I would love to meet his wife.

Doug said...

The guy to the banana holder's left seems to be envious of the banana...

jadedj said...

RZ---Yet, being the answer...har har har. Also, do you seriously think this guy is STILL married after this thing was on YouTube, viewed 547,993 times?

Doug---Maybe he doesn't have a banana of his own? I sort of read his expression and body language as saying..."are you shitting me?"

boomer bob said...

Holly shit, I broke stitches from 27 years ago.

I noticed too that the banana wasn't circumcised, perhaps the Jews have it right after all

PENolan said...

I totally refuse to discuss Jews given my experience as a Shiksa object. It gives a woman a certain perspective.

Personally, I don't eat bananas in public unless they are sliced. I don't eat hot dogs at ball games or sausage on a stick either, although I have been known to go to town on an ice cream cone. We all have our weaknesses.

Thank you, Jaded, for this provocative distraction

Sue said...

wow, and the guy sitting next to banana man looked quite jittery too!

BTW I'm stealing your Liberal/Conservative gadget that you stole from Granny!

YELLOWDOG GRANNY said...

I no longer believe in bananas

jadedj said...

boomer bob---I am not responsible for old wounds...regardless of what my wife says.

I too noticed that and thought, bejesus, if they had just done it when the banana was a little one...it wouldn't have remember the trauma. Too damn late now. Bastards.

Tricia---You did notice that the banana was not circumcised...right? I Shiska you not (did you really think I wasn't going to go there? ;-)

Speaking of distractions...I am trying not to embed that vision of the ice cream cone in my memory.

Sue---The guy next to Banana Bob is having serious doubts about...Banana Bob. I think it was the wrist and mouth action that did it (to all my gay friends, nothing meant by that...really).

Hey, that's what makes this country great...all that stealing stuff, ya know. Have at it.

YDG---Cucumbers? I bet this guy could do a helluva demonstration with one of those.

To all---What I really want to know is...what the fuck was God thinking when he created artichokes? Seriously.

RealityZone said...

There is something about a Shiksa, or a non Shiksa eating a burrito.

Mr. Charleston said...

The scientific facts about the banana are somewhat lacking. There are actually hundreds of varieties of bananas that are edible, and quite good to I am told as I wouldn't know because the only choice given me is the one from United Fruit Company which God made to perfectly fit your hand, mouth and other places I won't mention. There. How about that for a run-on sentence? Almost as good as you JJ.

Mr. Charleston said...

Oh, BTW. You state that the banana offered us in the stores is a hybred, does that mean it makes you speed and gives you gas at the same time?

PENolan said...

At least ice cream doesn't squirt in your face. Burritos either - although both can drip on your chin.

PENolan said...

And God wasn't serious when she created artichokes.

RealityZone said...

PENolan
LOL
Yep, That drip, drip drip, gets em every time. :-)

RealityZone said...

God = She. I like that.

Shrinky said...

That's banana abuse, that is. Just 'cos it's sterile, doesn't mean you have to take the piss out of it, does it..?

Chimp said...

So god created the genetically-modified banana. Watchung these two, I wanted to do the same comparison with the male sex organ: "notice it has a tip for easy entry..." Now we know that peanut butter and bananas prove the existence of Yahweh. The woorst part of this is that I can see certain peoplke watching this and saying, "Wow! That proves it! Only god could have created shuch a perfect fruit!"

Chimp said...

...and smooth peanut butter that proves creationism...

Chimp said...

The above video is a comedy routine from Saturday Night Live? Right? Right?

jadedj said...

RZ---Shiksa = hot tamale?

Mr. C---Thanks for visiting (short enough for you?).

Mr. C---

Tricia---A squirting banana?

Tricia---More properly...It. I mean, a He or She would indicate It has sex, otherwise why would It be either.

RZ---Are you talking about Mr. Charleston?

RZ---See above...or not.

Chimp---"Wow! That proves it! Only god could have created shuch a perfect fruit!"...and idiots.

Chimp said...

You know aht really proves the existence of Yawah? Dip your banana in a jar of warm smooth peanut butter.....mmmmmmm!

Chimp said...

Us chimps do it all the time!

tnlib said...

I hate to admit it but I'm allergic to bananas - no matter how they come.

RealityZone said...

OMG! !

jadedj said...

tnlib---Oh no you didn't. Yep, you did.

RZ---Oh yeah. This blog ain't for the faint hearted.

RealityZone said...

OMG ! !
Maybe I read too much into her comment:-)
But if I didn't, well I never expected that from her. LOL

jadedj said...

RZ---OK, now you have me second guessing my assumption. Maybe we just have, er...uh, you know, less than squeaky clean minds.

PENolan said...

I thought that guy in the video said something about squirt in the face. He's the one who started this whole thing - him and that retard with the moldy peanut butter.

I have a question: If bananas and peanut butter prove the existence of God - then what do chicks with dicks prove? Another perfect fruit? I'm totally confused.

RealityZone said...

"Chicks with dicks" prove that God has a funny sense of humor.


Why do they call it an Adams apple?

jadedj said...

Tricia---He did...he did mention squirting. I picked up on that too, and laughed hard when I read your comment.

Chicks and dicks use peanut butter for purposes other than what god intended. It proves, god created very creative sexual deviants.

jadedj said...

RZ---That would explain Sarah Palin.

RealityZone said...

That is probably why she likes to refer to herself as a "Grizzly Bear."

tnlib said...

Not all librarians are dried up old prunes - at least not news librarians who spent most of their lives perched on bar stools at the press club.

Chimp said...

In the banana video, I wondered about the guy sitting next to the banana preacher. He seemed to be laughing at the whole demonstration like he thought it was either funny or sexy or both.
I can see him thinking, "Is he really serious about this banana-god thing?" He even laughs during the "wrong" places. Like when the preacher says how god made it pointy to fit in the mouth or when he says how the hand just wraps around the banana so perfectly.

RealityZone said...

I think that guy was sitting ON a banana.

jadedj said...

RZ---You betcha.

tnlib---Aha...so I was right! And it was a damned clever play on words at that.

Chimp---Oh, the guy was definitely not believing his ears.

RZ---Or peanut butter.

RealityZone said...

You mean a peanut butter banana sandwich?
What a combo.

tnlib said...

RZ: I can remember when people actually ate those horrid things bur they chopped up the banana first.

Liberality said...

How can I eat another banana now? Thanks!

Anonymous said...

Senator Reid went to a local GM dealer in Washington, D.C. to buy a
brand new vehicle from Government Motors. Harry looked around and found one he likes.


After going back and forth with the salesman, Harry settles on a price of $45,000.


Harry and the salesman go back to the office to complete the paperwork. Harry works out a 4 year payment plan, and signs on the bottom line.


The salesman shakes the Senator's hand and says, "Thanks Senator Reid, the car will be ready for pickup in 4 years."

Harry says, "What are you talking about? Where are the keys to my new car?"

The salesman replies, "No, you don't understand Senator. You make payments for 4 years...THEN we give you the car. You know, just like your health plan"!

jadedj said...

Well isn't this interesting...lisa left this same lame joke on Sue's blog earlier today. You see folks, lisa is a conservative Beckite who trolls liberal blogs repeating what she gets from chain emails and FOX news. She has learning problems methinks, as she NEVER follows the thread of the posts. Go play with your banana lisa.

Sue's place:
http://theleftinme.blogspot.com/2010/07/theres-no-denying-it-when-we-have-signs.html

jadedj said...

Liberality---Sorry, I jumped over your comment to respond to the cretin above.

As to eating no more bananas...perhaps if you peeled it upside down it would be less dangerous. Oh no, wait, that's not the reason, is it?

Punch said...

so a banana and god walk into a bar.
Knock back a few.
Banana says what the fuck?
Were you thinking?
God says,
I was horney.
I had just finished an apple.

jadedj said...

Punch---What the hell does that have to do with Senator Reid's car?

Punch said...

Well you see
God and Senator Reid go into a bar.
Senator Reid says "I bought a car"
God says "you want a Lemon?"

Chimp said...

Senator Reid says, "No, I want my banana dipped in warm smooth peanut butter....ahhhhh!"

Octopus said...

JJ, that was indeed a most touching and inspiring video. Immediately thereupon, I went to my local supermarket to buy a bunch, when suddenly ... wallah, pālayati, pārayati, Eureka ... a miracle happened: My foreskin grew back. I have been such an unrepentant sinner for too long, so I decided to finally get some religion to hedge my bets and found this denomination, the Landover Baptist Church. Now, I am truly blessed.

jadedj said...

Punch---What does that have to do with apples?

Chimp---Unbeknownst to Senator Reid, no doubt, is the fact that this is an ancient Satanic rite of passage...dipping one's banana, that is.

Octopus---Congratulations! A miracle of biblical proportions.

Love the LBC...ordered me up one of them blasphemer tees. Even had it shipped next day air.

Punch said...

Upon Rumination I would like to revise and extend my comments regarding the Peanut Evolutional Butter Theory Jar, or the PEBT for short.

Number 1ne thing- I must hasten to repudiate any notions of disrespect for the Peanut Evolutional Butter Theory Jar, or the PEBT for short.
This innovative thinking is far outside any box of life forms, currently held in reverence.

Number 2wo thing – I must caution all against too quickly dismissing a brilliant thought, such as the Peanut Evolutional Butter Theory Jar, or the PEBT for short, as I did, that is badly presented, upon first hearing.

Number 3hree thing – The presenters of the Peanut Evolutional Butter Theory Jar, or the PEBT for short, showed an apparent contempt for their idea. This contempt transferred onto my logic and caused my responses to be casual and perhaps hurtful. Again after reflection I can see that god would not have walked into a bar. The bar would have come to him upon wings of angles.

Number 4our thing – If one would examine closely, the concept of the Peanut Evolutional Butter Theory Jar, or the PEBT for short, and keep in mind that an infinite number of Peanut Evolutional Butter Theory Jars, or the PEBT for short, on an infinite number of shelves, in an infinite number of bodegas, for an infinite length of time, could eventually create a New Life Form. One that should be found upon opening.

jadedj said...

Punch---Slow day at work, eh?

Punch said...

Well, you see Mr. jadedJ, I now feel you also may have fallen into the snare of too quickly dismissing a forward thinking concept. (See Number 2wo thing above)

Let us assume that it is a slow day at work. To take that available time, god has provided us with and develop a concept that could revolutionize current thinking concerning evolution and its impact on creation science, is the act of a patriot.

Let us now assume that it is a busy day at work. To make time available for the encryption of a concept, dealing with biblical proportions, pointing to a creation, science would be proud of; this is, indeed, the act of a true patriot.

I would politely request you to review and comment upon the carefully thought out Peanut Evolutional Butter Theory Jar, or PEBT for short. I have attempted to contact Morgan Freeman; no one has returned my calls. My calls to Glenn Beck lead to his people at BeckU offering me an adjunct professorship. One last thing, the Sarah Palin Group, wants me to tour with her during the presidential campaign, in 2012.

You can be in on the ground floor with this blog spot. If you act now.