Thursday, July 15, 2010

It's a design thing, stupid.

NOTICE-THIS IS AN EQUAL OPPORTUNITY TONGUE-IN-CHEEK BLOG.

This from a fellow graphics designer, David. An email from a co-worker asking for a personal poster design. I can tell you, this is a common problem with designers, you just can't satisfy some people...even co-workers.

I have italicized on side of the exchange, for ease of keeping track.

From: Shannon
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.15am
To: David
Subject: Poster

Hi
I opened the screen door yesterday and my cat got out and has been missing since then so I was wondering if you are not to busy you could make a poster for me. It has to be A4 and I will photocopy it and put it around my suburb this afternoon.



This is the only photo of her I have she answers to the name Missy and is black and white and about 8 months old. missing on Harper street and my phone number.
Thanks Shan.

From: David
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.26am
To: Shannon
Subject: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

That is shocking news. Luckily I was sitting down when I read your email and not half way up a ladder or tree. How are you holding up? I am surprised you managed to attend work at all what with thinking about Missy out there cold, frightened and alone... possibly lying on the side of the road, her back legs squashed by a vehicle, calling out "Shannon, where are you?"

Although I have two clients expecting completed work this afternoon, I will, of course, drop everything and do whatever it takes to facilitate the speedy return of Missy.

Regards, David.


From: Shannon
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.37am
To: David
Subject: Re: Re: Poster

Yeah OK thanks. I know you don't like cats but I am really worried about mine. I have to leave at 1pm today.



From: David
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.17am
To: Shannon
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

I never said I don't like cats. Once, having been invited to a party, I went clothes shopping beforehand and bought a pair of expensive G-Star boots. They were two sizes too small but I wanted them so badly I figured I could just wear them without socks and cut my toenails very short. As the party was only a few blocks from my place, I decided to walk. After the first block, I lost all feeling in my feet.

Arriving at the party, I stumbled into a guy named Steven, spilling Malibu & coke onto his white Wham 'Choose Life' t-shirt, and he punched me. An hour or so after the incident, Steven sat down in a chair already occupied by a cat. The surprised cat clawed and snarled causing Steven to leap out of the chair, slip on a rug and strike his forehead onto the corner of a speaker; resulting in a two inch open gash. In its shock, the cat also defecated, leaving Steven with a wet brown stain down the back of his beige cargo pants. I liked that cat.

Attached poster as requested.

Regards, David.



From: Shannon
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.24am
To: David
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Yeah that's not what I was looking for at all. it looks like a movie and how come the photo of Missy is so small?



From: David
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.28am
To: Shannon
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

It's a design thing. The cat is lost in the negative space.

Regards, David.

From: Shannon
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.33am
To: David
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

That's just stupid. Can you do it properly please? I am extremely emotional over this and was up all night in tears. you seem to think it is funny. Can you make the photo bigger please and fix the text and do it in color please.

Thanks.


From: David
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.46am
To: Shannon
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

Having worked with designers for a few years now, I would have assumed you understood, despite our vague suggestions otherwise, we do not welcome constructive criticism. I don't come downstairs and tell you how to send text messages, log onto Facebook and look out of the window. I am willing to overlook this faux pas due to you no doubt being preoccupied with thoughts of Missy attempting to make her way home across busy intersections or being trapped in a drain as it slowly fills with water. I spent three days down a well once but that was just for fun.

I have amended and attached the poster as per your instructions.

Regards, David




From: Shannon
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.59am
To: David
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

This is worse than the other one. can you make it so it shows the whole photo of Missy and delete the stupid text that says missing Missy off it? I just want it to say lost.


From: David
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.14am
To: Shannon
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster




From: Shannon
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.21am
To: David
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Yeah, can you do the poster or not? I just want a photo and the word lost and the telephone number and when and where she was lost and her name. Not like a movie poster or anything stupid. I have to leave early today. If it was your cat I would help you. Thanks.




From: David
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.32am
To: Shannon
Subject: Awww

Dear Shannon,

I don't have a cat. I once agreed to look after a friend's cat for a week but after he dropped it off at my apartment and explained the concept of kitty litter, I kept the cat in a closed cardboard box in the shed and forgot about it. If I wanted to feed something and clean feces, I wouldn't have put my mother in that home after her stroke. A week later, when my friend came to collect his cat, I pretended that I was not home and mailed the box to him. Apparently I failed to put enough stamps on the package and he had to collect it from the post office and pay eighteen dollars. He still goes on about that sometimes, people need to learn to let go.

I have attached the amended version of your poster as per your detailed instructions.

Regards, David





From: Shannon
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.47am
To: David
Subject: Re: Awww

That's not my cat. where did you get that picture from? That cat is orange. I gave you a photo of my cat.




From: David
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.58am
To: Shannon
Subject: Re: Re: Awww

I know, but that one is cute. As Missy has quite possibly met any one of several violent ends, it is possible you might get a better cat out of this. If anybody calls and says "I haven't seen your orange cat but I did find a black and white one with its hind legs run over by a car, do you want it?" you can politely decline and save yourself a costly veterinarian bill.

I knew someone who had a basset hound that had its hind legs removed after an accident and it had to walk around with one of those little buggies with wheels. If it had been my dog I would have asked for all its legs to be removed and replaced with wheels and had a remote control installed. I could charge neighbourhood kids for rides and enter it in races. If I did the same with a horse I could drive it to work. I would call it Steven.

Regards, David




From: Shannon
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.07pm
To: David
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Please just use the photo I gave you.




From: David
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.22pm
To: Shannon
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww




From: Shannon
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.34pm
To: David
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

I didn't say there was a reward. I don't have $2000 dollars. What did you even put that there? Can you please remove the reward bit.

Thanks Shan




From: David
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.42pm
To: Shannon
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww




From: Shannon
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.51pm
To: David
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Can you just please take the reward bit off altogether? I have to leave in ten minutes and I still have to make photocopies of it.




From: David
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.56pm
To: Shannon
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww




From: Shannon
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 1.03pm
To: David
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Fine. That will have to do.

30 comments:

Heidi Germanaus said...

Lulz all around on this one. I'm sitting at my desk practically in tears from how hilarious this was. AND I like cats.

Mr. Charleston said...

Good show JJ. Laughed out loud. I'm sorta fond of the second Missing Missy myself.

Bob said...

I.Love.Cats.
And this cracked me up!

The cat in the hat did it for me....no the first LOST one....no the orange one....oh hell.....all funny.

RealityZone said...

Well at least we know why the cat took off.
Who would want to be in the same room as this fucking idiot.
She should have gotten a clue right out of the gate.
It tells us more about her than it does the cat.
She should have a [Missing common sense} poster made for herself.
I am surprised you did not make a
[WANTED-DEAD -OR-ALIVE]version for her.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Hahahahahaha -- love the LOST parody poster in particular!

Shrinky said...

My best mate is a graphic designer, she'll pee herself laughing at this (but that's another story). Truthfully, I actually have tears in my eyes from laughing - thanks for making my visit so worthwhile!

Doug said...

B-b-b-but was Missy found?

jadedj said...

Heidi---Glad you had a laugh. And the best part is, if you ever misplace your cat(s), you know whom to contact (not me...I'll give you David's phone number).

Mr. C---I have to agree, number two has it all, tragedy and pathos with a sinister feel to it. I would stop and look at that poster.

Bob---We have two cats. I plan to show them this...to reassure them.

RZ---Well, actually Shannon is my sister. Her husband did the same thing. No poster though.

DSWSeeks---Yep, yep, yep...the man is good! I like them all, and I thought the little red hat was...poignant.

Shrinky---Oh my...I hope she doesn't work in the same office as David and Shannon. That aside, I AM looking forward to hearing the pee story. Keep us posted.

Doug---No. Nor was Shannon's husband. Missy is probably in some Thai kitchen at this very moment. No speculation as to Mr. Shannon.

jadedj said...

Doug---make that "...Mr. Shannon's fate."

YELLOWDOG GRANNY said...

dexter said if he had balls he'd use them on missy

jadedj said...

YD G---I'm thinking missy is on her way to Texas at this very minute...balls or no.

chewy said...

This story is bouncing around the blogs. As I am a graphic designer... I got a huge laugh out of it.

Tom Harper said...

I'm a cat owner (although it's actually the other way around) but this was a riot.

The part about a reward reminded me of my days as a DJ at our college radio station (a looong time ago). We all had to read public service announcements on our shows. The person in charge always stressed how important it was to read the announcement to yourself first before reading it over the air. I found out why.

When it was my turn to read one of those announcements, I didn't bother reading it first. It was about a lost dog, and the announcement said there would be a reward. And then I read "reward money is $75 but don't read this over the -- [cough] [squirm]"

jadedj said...

Chewy---Thanks for stopping by and commenting graphics person. All comments are welcome. Glad it gave you a chuckle, but I am distraught that David claimed it happened to him. Well, actually, I'm not really...my wife sent me this from work. Har har har har everybody.

Tom---It IS a riot...even though it was not actually written by moi...hard to believe, I know.

I would like to hear more on your blog about those days loooooooong time ago. Not that I know what that means.

Open mouth, insert paw with the doggy annoucement, eh?

boomer bob said...

A remote pussy. Hmmm.

jadedj said...

boomer bob---Har har!!!!

Harlequin said...

love it, love it, love it. Especially that hat, and the no reward, and the LOST, and.....
what can I say, there is something delicious about literality.
well done!

intelliwench said...

So funny -- thanks, I needed that!

Kyle said...

JJ, that was the best way to start off a day. Still can't stop giggling.

Sue said...

FUNNY JJ!!! Shan sounds like lisa...

jadedj said...

Harlequin---There is something delicious about it...literally.

intell---I knew that ;-)

Kyle---A giggle here, a giggle there, before you know it, the day is done.

Sue---Aha! I knew there was a familiar and pathetic ring to this. But, wait...I don't think lisa is a cat person. Nope, pretty sure she's a parrot person.

Chimp said...

Knowing that Shannon didn't like cats, David should have made his own poster using crayons and the picture,

I could see Shannon's next poster: A bunch of dudes barbecuing "Missy burgers".

This post was a riot!

intelliwench said...

Actually I found a cat that looked like Missy. But that was back in 1976...

jadedj said...

intell---Did it have crushed rear legs...and, do you still have it?

jadedj said...

Oh Chimp, I did one of my infamous ignores...sorry, skipped right over your comment.

Sorry, no barbecuing Missy...some Thai restaurants be her to it.

jadedj said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
tnlib said...

This is hilarious. Reminds me of a Woody Allen skit. I love the whole thing but I'm not sure Shan is the idiot here.

Uh, Lisa is a cat person, btw. She even takes in homeless critters.

jadedj said...

tnlib---Glad you like it. I have to agree, David is just not tuned in to what she wants...but then, we designers are an arrogant bunch, you see.

I am pretty sure Lisa and lisa aren't who Sue and I are referring to. Could be wrong.

tnlib said...

Tbe troll - Lisa the Loon?

jadedj said...

tnlib---Well, she's definitely a loon, as in tunes, but she uses a lower case "l", as opposed to Lisa...but hey, could be one and the same. My reference to the parrot was a play on her political acumen, or lack of.

Takes in homeless cats huh? Ahem, I have a feline that's a lie on her part. Could be wrong.