Monday, July 19, 2010

FLASH

NOTICE-THIS IS AN EQUAL OPPORTUNITY TONGUE-IN-CHEEK BLOG.

This just in to B of Q Central...As a secondary backup and cautionary measure to it's well cap, which was installed a few days ago by BP, a new device was introduced to the press just hours ago. It's purpose will be to take care of any surface collateral seepage caused by pressure build-up below the surface of the Gulf floor.

The device consists of a scum sucker, attached to a floating pump with a patented bunghole attachment.

Actor Kevin Costner has expressed interest in possible collaboration on, and investment in, the apparatus.

Today's sucessful demonstration on the Gulf of Mexico is pictured below.


19 comments:

Punch said...

Is that Mel scum sucking jew hating Gibson, with his claws out? Or am I mistaken.

jadedj said...

Punch---You have a keen eye, my keen eyed friend.

Doug said...

Dunno how that will work in the long run, Mel spews shit from two different orifices. Might be worse than the original problem...

jadedj said...

Doug---This is a good point. I am told there is a blow-back device on the bunghole hose...in case the shit hits the fan, as it were. It will automatically blow his ass around the Cape of Good Hope all the way back to Australia.

Mr. Charleston said...

Dang, wish I had one of those. There's some serious need for scum sucking in these parts as well. Oh, I forgot, this is those parts. Never mind.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Could be a whole new career for Mad Mel. He might need it!

jadedj said...

Mr. C---Well, if he doesn't get over your way, I know someone who can rig one of those things to suit your particular needs. You just need to find a flaming asshole to hook it up to. Hmmmmm, let's see...doesn't R. Limpballs live down there in South Florida...Boca Assholeville?

Debra She...---Yep, he will. He let his mouth override his tush this time.

YELLOWDOG GRANNY said...

hahahahahahahahah

boomer bob said...

The problem, I've heard, with the apparatus is its inability to deal with black. As long as the oil is orange, floating on the surface, it'll function normally. BUT, the moment it encounters black tar balls, or oil earmarked for Israel, it self-destructs making loud grunts that can be heard for hundreds of miles off shore.

Once this happens, it's almost impossible to track it down as it begins a downward spiral no one can keep up with, only to reappear even more dysfunctional.

I hear it runs much better on ample amounts of ethanol too, yet the oil companies keep trying to force hydrocarbon fuel down its tanks.

Perhaps that’s why it’s so temperamental, emploding at the mere mention of burning anything other than corn White-lightning fuel.

Heidi Germanaus said...

That pic is hilarious but I heard that the oil spill was edited and we don't know the real truth. :)

Bob said...

As Gibson's film career comes to an end, and he embarks on his America's Fucktard Tour, maybe he should stop by the Gulf and suck up some scum rather than spew it.

jadedj said...

YDG---That's all I ask of my readers...the truth.

boomer bob---Yes, it does have some serious kinks, including the tendency to explode. But the good news is, there is a backup model in production, which will be released soon. It's the Beck Fuctard model A. This particular model runs on bovine fecal matter, an organic based fuel...and, as you know, we have plenty of that in this country. It should be pointed out though that it requires a much larger bunghole attachment.

Heidi---Do we ever know the truth regards any corporate or government spin?

Bob---Exactly.

Chimp said...

I understand that there is a Re(s)tarded version called the SarPal model which runs on Moose Dung and snow ski motors and Twits along smoothly. It does need cleaning often, spewing crap out of the very large intake orifice and the extremely large bunghole when you press the over-inflated breastplate, ya betcha.

jadedj said...

Chimp---The truth is, they had to scrap that model...it keep quiting in the middle of the job.

PENolan said...

hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

jadedj said...

Tricia---Have you been hanging out with Yellowdog Granny?

Chimp said...

Who's got the brownies???? Not the "George Bush Brownie!"

Liberality said...

Funny yes but not funny in that it is oh so true.

jadedj said...

Liberality---What you say is oh so true.