Saturday, July 17, 2010

JJ's Movie Review

NOTICE-THIS IS AN EQUAL OPPORTUNITY TONGUE-IN-CHEEK BLOG.

I watched a movie last night of 2 HOURS, 11 MINUTES duration...WATCHED IT ALL. I couldn't get through the book, it was boring me so much...but, did I abandon the film? Noooo, because I thought it was going to be a macho, guy flick...lots of action, blood, guts, revenge, and in the end, somebody's got to die thingy...stuff like that.

I watched the entire pissy-ass thing. I think the liter of Merlot is the only thing that got me through it. But, and here is my winded point, but...after the mamsy-pamsy Milquetoast leading character lets everybody in the film piss on him...and kick his ass, repeatedly...and make fun of him...and you/one, are wanting revenge...serious kickass revenge...wanting some of the powers-that-be shitheads to DIE a violent and painful blood-sucking, decapitated death, MOTHERFUCKERS. Does he give you/one closure? NO! He let's them...LET'S THEM..............................KILL HIM IN THE END.

What the hell kind of hero is that? Oh, and I am absolutely certain that his pussy attitude is why no one showed up for his going away party the night before.

Don't bother with this film, dudes and dudettes. Five thumbs down.


Har har har...the film was The Constant Gardner...what the deuce did you think it was? The Greatest Story Ever Told? HAR HAR HAR.

19 comments:

Chimp said...

Is that you in the picture with the empty bottloe of merlot? No one watched the movie with you? You need to see some Bourne films about now!

jadedj said...

Chimp---I cut my hair.

Yes, Bourne kicks some tush and poopy caca, doesn't he.

Punch said...

He only had one bottle of wine. Hell I would have left too. Bet the bread was stale, with the soup cold and watered down.
Pussy.
BTW. Nice graphic. True work of a genius.

I watched a movie in a similar manner. Not goin' to mention the name 'cause hit don't matter. It was about a 90 film, at the most. I began watching it in 1962 and continued until the late '80's. I never made it all the way through, 'cause hit was always on the late show back then, and i would crash out. No cable just network TV, so I had to wait and wait and blah, blah, blah. NO VHS, CD, DVD, Netflicks!!!! No f&^%$@g Nothing. I figured I had about 9 hours in watching that film and still did not know how it ended. Sooooo, it came on at 3 am one morning (night?). I set my clock and watched it all the way through. If I had a gun I would have shot the TV, in honor of Elvis. What a dumb film.
I feel for you JadedJ. Maybe this is a part of your jadedness.

Doug said...

I'm too internet ADD/ADHD to watch a movie.

jadedj said...

Punch---That was the LAST bottle. The others are scattered on the floor in a tizzy fit.

A film in 1962? I can't relate to that. The name of it was...The Brain That Wouldn't Die...right?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Brainthatwouldntdie.jpg

jadedj said...

Doug---I'm sorry. You might want to reconsider the Brain That Wouldn't Die, however.

jadedj said...

Punch---I forgot...what graphic? I didn't post a graphic. What are you talking about?

Harlequin said...

funny stuff; I, too, thought that the image you included might be, ahem, autobiographical ( or at the very least auto-erotic)but nope, no such obvious ploy or appeal to irony ( ha ha ) or analogy ( ha ha ), but a pretty good har har, all the same.
Btw, I was Ok with the Constant Gardener as a book, but have enjoyed other books by the same author much more.

Punch said...

Ok, Ok, I shoulda said, the pitcher yoose put up, of that there guy at that there bar, alone, was kinda purdy. ya know leavin' out his posse and all.
That genius part coulda read, 'ya know, even a blind hog'll turn a acorn in the woods ever now and again".
Yeah, I reckon i woulda said it that away.

Heidi Germanaus said...

Yeah I remember having the overwhelming desire to turn my television over in the floor at the end of that one just so I wouldn't make the same mistake again.

PENolan said...

Hey - I know this guy. His parties can be memorable because he learned how to turn water into wine when he studied with a yoga master in India. The people he hangs out with, though, are usually total assholes so I quit going to his parties when I was a kid.

Constant Gardener? Never saw it and, based on your recommendation, never will. Chauncey Gardener, from Being There, is an outstanding
character.

jadedj said...

Harlequin---Well, as I said, I cut my hair many years ago.

I do understand the appeal of that book to a kind and gentle soul such as yourself :)

Punch---No, *pardner*...it musta bin a hotdamn miracle, is what I was agittin at.

Heidi---Thank you. I am entering that suggestion in my Book of Rage Techniques. It's a winner.

Tricia---Whoa, wait a minute. You were the controversial female figure to his right in that painting... you know, the one Dan Brown wrote about...right?

I'll never take a chance on a gardener again...sorry.

YELLOWDOG GRANNY said...

I fell asleep every time i tried to watch it..i think they found the cure for insomnia.

PENolan said...

Nope - that was a cousin. But that preacher I went out with had us confused, for sure.

Tom Harper said...

LOL. I kept trying to guess what movie you were talking about, but you fooled me.

The TV show Criminal Minds is like what you were describing (before I knew what movie you were talking about). They have the sickest, most twisted grotesque serial killer imaginable in each episode. Sometimes the perp doesn't even get caught at the end of the episode, but usually they catch him and they go all kidglove on him -- "It's gonna be all right now, sir. We're gonna get you the help you need."

And by then I'm just sitting there in a ball of fury, wanting the person to get drawn and quartered, disemboweled; not "helped."

jadedj said...

YDG---Dang...and I thought in my case it was the vino that was causing me to fall asleep. You've got a good point.

Tricia---Gotta watch those preachers and beJesus types. I went out with a holy roller once, back in high school. She talked me into going to church with her one Sunday night. They were literally rolling in the aisles...jabbering in tongues...and gyrating for Jesus. Seriously. After church we went and parked down by the river in a secluded spot...best not go into it, but she gave me a whole new perspective on holy rolling.

Tom---Wid ya Tom. It's hell being a benevolent Liberal and eschewing kicking the living shit out of some douche bag that needs it. But then when they take it away vicariously, well...it's just not...fair.

Everyone---I added a sentence to the ending of the post. That was my original intent, that the story and film about Jesus, had a similar theme, if not same ending.

PENolan said...

We got it the first time, Jaded . . .

intelliwench said...

Well, who needs movies anyway, when there is entertainment aplenty here at Blogger?

jadedj said...

Tricia---You did.

intell---Are you speaking of Punch?