Saturday, September 4, 2010

A friend of mine says I am going to the eternal burning place...

"I am not a good American...I prefer to form my own opinions" - George Carlin

and he cites the following as one example of why (no, his initials are not DM...although I expect a visit from the same such person).

Has anyone else noticed what I noticed while looking at this painting?

(It coulda happened this don't know)

OK, give up? Bet you didn't notice.

Adam's pee pee is...MINUSCULE...TEENY...TINY...MICROSCOPICALLY ALMOST INVISIBLE. And the strange part is we all know that MICHELANGELO loved PEE PEES. So, WTF Mike? Was this your straight period? What were you trying to tell us? What is the hidden message?

I think I know.

Being an immature biblical scholar I have analyzed this and have concluded that Mikey is trying to tell us that this was pre-Eve, and that indeed Adam's wanker was itty bitty because he didn't really need it...but...but...when the devil speaking snake got him to eat the apple by way of Eve, Adam had no idea that the apple had a pre-historic chemical which in the 21st Century would later be called...VIAGRA. Then by God...major schlong...the mother of all schlongs...fornicating with everything in sight. OK, so Eve was the only thing in sight, and possibly a teabagger, er, two bagger, but there were lambs and such...two by two...and three by three (menage a trois). This explains the root of the myth of forest creatures such as satyrs, hoofed thingys and sub-humans called Bachmann.

Adam was the John Holmes of Exodus, except Adam lived another 700 or so years with no major diseases that we know of. On the other hand, John Holmes was eaten alive by a STDitWT...Sticking the Dong in the Wrong Tong (and maybe tush)...that however is another post.

So modern dudes, you have the talking snake to thank for your overly inflated inflatable appendage of the shorter kind...also known in the U.S. Army as the short arm. Which brings up the question regards this term. Just exactly who emasculated all those American servicemen by referring to their very essence as a short arm? I for one am incensed at this deliberate demoralizing term aimed at our fighting men and, men.

It's all right there in the good book, folks. You just need to believe.


Lou said...

At least you'll never be cold.

Punch said...

She has a point, Lou that is. I on the other hand don’t, but, I will yet again comment on you most excellent posting.
Number 1 thing – Immature is right, right on, no need to qualify it with adverbs.
Number 2 thing – ‘the mother of all schlongs’? Mother??? Of Schlongs???
Number 3 thing – (manage a trios) Adam, Eve, a lamb of god? Moving closer and closer to the fiery pit. Better watch your ass, son.
Number 4 thing – ‘root of the myth of forest creatures…’ seems to be a theme developing.
Number 5 thing – Am I an idiot for not believing this is gospel?

Sue said...

I have noticed the teeny weeny peeeeenis on many occasions. You're a terrific writer JJ, I especially enjoyed the sub-humans call Bachmann..:-)

Sunny said...

Ohhhhh gee. Well, this really is a scarey picture! ( and yes I noticed that right away.)
Was an interesting entry. The part that scares me the most is that "hook" and down in the lower left corner...that arm and hand!

JJ, I have started another Blogger blog..."My Journal Space" I have been missing our old beloved JS Land so much that I name my blog after it. :)

Hope you and family have a nice holiday Labor Day weekend ! *hugs*

jadedj said...

Lou---Hey...long time no see! How are you?

Being a warm weather kind of dude, it appeals to me. Plus I am counting on lots of scintillating conversations through infinity.

Punch---I am looking forward to some scintillating conversations over infinity with you, son. We can discuss these finer points during that time.

Sue---Thank you for the too kind words. I first labeled that one, common sense, duh...but then realized that unless the reader has been following your posts, they wouldn't get it. BTW, I got the duh part, but not the common sense part, har har har har.

Sunny---I'm sorry...didn't mean to scare anyone. I will be sure to check out your new blog in a little bit.

Hugs right back at you :-)


I laughed all the way through this post..cracked me up..especially the short arm inspection..I had heard that expression all my life being raised in the Air Force..and I didn't know what it meant for the longest time..but every time I'd have to go to the dispensary, I'll always say I was going for my short arm inspection. I think my father finally broke it to me what it meant.

Mr. Charleston said...

No doubt about it. Your friend is right. You are bound to spend eternity in a very hot place. Out on Highway 61.

Punch said...

If I get to comment on the Infinity, I would just as soon not be so very close to a man constantly in heat.
See, my chit chat would be some sort of suck up to the Big Schlong in the sky. Don't wanna be with the beanie weenie's.

Just saying.
I said that wrong didn't I? Nevermind.

jadedj said...

YDG---Har har har. It must have been an uncomfortable moment for your father...I can't imagine having to explain that to my daughters.

Mr C---Hmmmmmm...where you want this killin' done?

I'm thinking the man is awaitin for YOU out there on Highway 61.

Chimp said...

You're going to the eternal burning place? Becoming a chef, are you?

Maybe that's why the Israelis are pissed at the rest of the world. They cut half their schlongs shortly after they are born!

boomer bob said...

Huh! I'll be damned. I never noticed that :-)

jadedj said...

Chimp---You gotta humor them man, you know?

What? That was the damned Israelis who talked my mother into that? Bastards.

boomer b---You will never look at that ceiling in the same way again, will you?

boomer bob said...

Hell with that shit. I'm turning Muslim. At least they get some virgins for a week or two. The only think ya gotta worry about is just exactly what do those virgins look like. I mean were talking virgins in the 21 century are we not??? Makes one stop and worry a little.

Chimp said...

Yes boomer, you get virgins when you go. 72 virgin men!

Punch said...

And they ALL look and behave like Steve Carell.

jadedj said...

boomer b---I am still trying to figure out how all this carnal shit works in the spirit world. I'll get back to you.

Chimp---I am still trying to figure out how all this carnal...nevermind.

Punch---I had to Google Steve Carell...still don't know who he is. Hellofa note.

Emme Toaye said...

I do think you hit the nail on the head (pun totally intended and extended). Mikey was the master of long shlongs on ceilings and such.

Perhaps though on this teeny weeny he was again ahead of time and had his own 3D glasses knowing full well that if worn for more than four hours one could be expected to go blind so they were taken off the market and were never heard from again.
Your humor is greatly appreciated, even for one of this worlds charter members of the "Hemlock Society" (just teasing) and I look forward to visiting again very soon if I may.


jadedj said...

ET---Hey thanks for the insight on the glasses (yes, I did).

As to dropping by again...I always encourage gluttony of mental punishment (if you can decipher that, you deserve to return herein).

Seriously, great that you dropped by and commented, and I do hope you'll repeat that :)

Tom Harper said...

Interesting take on the Good Book. I'll take your advice and have a second look.

jadedj said...

Tom---No need to carry it that far.


Actually it wasn't until Abraham that these guys started getting longer schlongs. The prophet would ask the Chosen One what he wanted. Most of them asked to be great warriors and big dicks. Solomon was the first to ask for wisdom and a big palace. He was wise enough to know that a big palace would get him more booty than any big dick. The Queen of Sheba was the hottest woman of the age and Solomon slid right in.

The Israelis lost their way after that. As wise as Solomon was he couldn't live down the embarrassment of his small penis.

PENolan said...

I thought they explained all about shrinkage on Seinfeld. Although there is no jacuzzi in the painting on the chapel ceiling - it could just be shrinkage. God is coming at him with a hook, after all.

And you might be surprised at how those things grow on their own. Viagra doesn't increase size, you know - it just makes it seem like there's rebar inside the hard-on.

jadedj said...

THT101---Fascinating. I do recall reading that in my long lost King Morey the VIII revised edition of the

It is beyond irony that the very people who coined the term schlong, would have a King with a bantam version of the same. Tsk, tsk.

Tricia---I am totally ignorant in these matters. I just repeats 'em as I reads 'em...after my biblical studies art classes. Next week it is, Samson Smiting a Philistine with the Jawbone of an Ass, a painting by Giorgio Schiavone.

You see it turns out it wasn't really an, no,'ll just have to wait.

Harlequin said...

if anyone can riff on the book of what's happenin' now, it's you!!
great writing and lots of fun.

i'll refrain from commenting on peepee sizes.... it's such a sore point for so many ...

jadedj said...

Harlequin---Amazing isn't it...the attention given to something so ugly...and fickle.

PENolan said...

Jaded, I seem to recall Rev. Leroy and The Church of What's Happening Now. You would totally fit in.

And as it happens, I've done a bit of study on penises and will be happy to share my observations any time they seem pertinent.
Asses are another matter entirely.

jadedj said...

Tricia---Being true to my flocking church, I must tell you that Brother Punch and I abandoned the Rev Leroy when he started wearing the dresses and calling himself Rev. Geraldine. The dresses were just too tres tacky for Punch's taste.

The Voice advised us to joined the Church of the Open Door, after being invited by the Rev Clee Shea and his Minister of Ministering, Sing-songs, and Loose Change Collection, Brother Ricky Ricketts.

It is there in that dark place that the good brothers introduced us to the Sisters of the Midnight Mercies, who are superbly well-versed in the lost art of willy winking and holy lager drinking. The sisters are lead by Motha Mona Nzee Nite...perhaps you have heard of her. It is Mona that taught me the true meaning of flocking and rollin' for the Lord.

Did I mention the interesting plants in the church basement?

At any rate, I am sure the SOTMMs would be happy to compare notes and observations with you...but you will have to bring your own munchies and photos.