I am giving all of my blogging friends an opportunity to share a miracle with me...before I put the miracle up on eBay. That's the kind of guy I am.
I have a spiral notebook on which I rest my wireless mouse, and also take notes. Occasionally, OCCASIONALLY, I imbibe in certain spirits of the physical kind whilst mousing and taking them there notes, and perusing bloggie places. That is to say, I partake of the hop, or grape a bit while webbing...sometimes. On two successive evenings I spilled a tad of each on the pad...not from an over zealous sipping, or copious slurping, but accidentally.
Was it really accidental, you ask? Judge the evidence to the contrary, below.
It would appear that a mysterious order is at work here on the plain Plains, next to my computer. I think you will agree the compelling evidence is far greater than the usual pizza and potato chip items we've all seen over and over and over on that whore of commercialism to which I referred. You know, the ones with the sexually suppressed veiled woman, and the anchovy covered image of a bearded Aramaic-speaking Semite type dude.
On BOTH evenings...an image of the Bejesus, right there on my little 'ol spiral notebook pad thingy appeared instantaneously. Albeit, each is different in style, but admit it, we don't really KNOW what He looks like...we only have Sears and Roebuck good book reproductions, like the one of the praying Jesus that hung in my grandmother's living room for a thousand years...and church commissioned paintings depicting Him as a sandy-haired white guy, much like Lawrence of Arabia must have looked to an Arab fellow.
Seriously, maybe he has the ability to change like a chameleon (lizard to you). I mean, you know...he did change the water into wine, and broke up bread and fish and shit, with multiple multitudes hungrily lurking about and in need of DRINK! So, what the hey, change the appearance? No effing problem Jack.
Please, please, do not ask for special consideration in purchasing these beautiful items. Go on eBay and jack the bidding up. They will be listed under, Bejesus Images, 80 proof.
No. 1 - Bejesus of the Bier:
No. 2 - Bejesus of the Vin:
No. 2 - Bejesus of the Vin:
FLASH ADDENDUM - FLASH ADDENDUM - FLASH:
After an agonizing conference with my disbelieving betterness, I have come to her blasphemiss (spic, er, sic) conclusion regards Bejesus of the Bier...it is actually...Salvador Dali.
I am certain that there is no market for Salvador on eBay...regardless of proof.
31 comments:
ROFLMAO!!! I almost choked on my fire roasted tomato Wheat Thins Stix!!! I'll get back to ya on my miracle, after I compose myself with some wine....
Sue---Ladies of the night do not hold a candle (har har har) to a lady of the vin. Not insinuating anything, mind you. BeSkoal (not of the tobac kind...the vin)! BeJeez!
Are you sure that's not Osama bin Laden? I'm suspicious.
Top one looks like John Waters in his pencil moustache days. You'd have been on something stronger than grape to conjure HIM up...
Jesus of the Vin has hariy hands.
Has he been?
What a minute!
? What the ?????.
That there, O'Donnel Witchy Woman was right##@@!!!
Jesus of the bier is obviously not Heysus but... Groucho Marx, nitwit. Methinks too much bier for the author.
Jesus of the vin is another matter. Remember that post a while back, something about your friend thinks you're going to a fiery place? You better start minding your P's and Q's hotshot. You are on a long slippery slope and this message is about as clear as it gets. DRINK MORE WINE!
You guys are all nuts, it's Eddie Murphy.
DSWS---Hmmmmm, maybe I should give Homeland Security a call. Nah...it's long distance.
Doug---It would still be "Divine", wouldn't it?
Punch---What's that old saying? Hairy hands, little follicles...or is that, big follicles, little hair? I can never remember.
Who is this witch person?
Mr. C---What a stretch...Groucho Marx indeed. No cigar, witnit-picker...for you either.
Actually I think He/It/She is telling me to spill more wine. It's good for business.
diane---I don't know...he doesn't look Irish to me.
I agree that #1 is Dali. #2 looks like a young George Carlin to me.
And I have it from a higher authority that I am right.
You're all infidels! That's Allah in both of those pictures!
intell---Dali, maaaaaaybe. George would have a few words to say about being a graven image, methinks.
Tom---Wait, wait, wait...YOU said it. I know nothing...nothing I tell you, about forbidden images and shit.
Damn you Jaded, I saw your picture and went to check to see if he was still on my toasted bagel I've been keeping in the freezer since he showed up at my place.
You paid him to leave me didn't you!!!
You e-corporate thug!! Well, that does it. I'm off to float a bottle cap in the Samuel Adams Boston Lager head. I'll call it "One-eyed Jesus with a blonde fro"
Bejesus of the Bier looks a lot like a pirates's treasure map. I'm certain this is not the real Bejesus because you are not a Republican. If George or Sarah or Pat R. put these up for sale on eBay, the price would jump sky high in minutes. Democrats or Independents and Haitians have a better reationship with Beelzebub. The number one image looks more like a flying Beelzebub as would be depicted by Sal Baby. Pat Robertson would probably pay big bucks.
Like "Debra She Who Seeks" said, the No. 2 picture looks more like Osama bin Laden, George Bush's friend, and may have come to you if Georgie and you were imbibing at the same time while Georgie was talking to the Big Pretzel In TheSky and you both interconnected through your microwave into your mouse. Donald The Rummy might pay big for this one. Good luck unless you make a pact with the Haitian God, then yu don't need luck but watch out for earthquakes.
And Tom Harper, you better go in hiding with the Mohamed cartoonists, with lots of jugs of vin. The rest of us will bury our heads in the sand, as we know nothin'.
boomer---Well hell, that explains it...a bagel. Who originated the bagel? Manny, at Wolfe's Jewish deli in Miami Beach, that's who! Whatcha expect? HIS track record with that tribe ain't too good, you know? It didn't take too much persuasion to convince him that Amurican Napa Valley products was the way to go. You might as well eat the damned bagel.
I prefer that you not use the term e-corporate thug. Schweinehund would be much more fitting, and a little less pussy sounding.
Wait...one-eyed Jesus? Damned, I wish I had thought of that! SCHWEINEHUND, e-CORPORATE THUGGY!
Chimp---Well crap, the comment ship passed right by my ass. Sorry. You need to know (for your own good) I have a friend who has Voodoo connections...via hat pins and stuff. Incidentially...I'd as soon join one-eyed Jesus as no-eyed JJ, as drink with Schweinehund personified himself...Georgie dumb fuck.
Did someone mention a witch? O'Donnell?
Republican Teabagger Christine O'Donnel is a fundamentalist Christian(former Catholic turned Evangelical Christian) running for the US Senate. She's a real politician, attending both Catholic and Protestan church services.
As a true Republican, during the 2006 primary she claimed she "heard the audible voice of God". She believes masturbation is sinful, so she goes to confession often.In 2006, she told a newspaper that homosexuals have an "identity disorder" that is "adopted through societal factors.
A few days ago, it was discovered that she admitted to practicing witchcraft in high school. Note that most Evangelicals would like to bring back the Salem Trials and burn Harry Potter at the stake.
She feels that anyone who believes in science and evolution believes in fantasies and "Creationism" is truth. Lucky for her, the election is only 2 days after Halloween. With some chants and spells, she may win.
Chimp---This is where my friend with the hairpin comes into play. Have no fear.
Did I say Groucho Marx? No, no.. Bejesus #1 is undeniably Ernie Kovacs. Which makes perfect sense as Manny is his uncle.
Mr. C---Hold it right there. Groucho...Jewish...bagels. Kovacs...Catholic...no fish on Fridays. Manny was Catholic? And invented the bagel? In a Jewish Deli? WTF?
OK, make that no MEAT ON Friday...give a guy a break, will ya?
Meat Head!
Punch---Please, quit over-intellectualizing everything.
My God (or yours)! It IS Dali! I'll give you two bucks.
cW---What an eye! USD, or Yuan?
what the tarnation is going on over here? LOL
I'll have one of what you're drinkin'...
If you take the Bejesus of the Vin picture and turn it upside down, it looks like a big dish of rice and black beans with a piece of chicken alongside. Maybe a Cuban restaurant might pay big for the picture.
Bella---That's it! It's tarnation and feathers.
It comes in a brown bag...and has nothing to do with tea.
Chimp---Good grief man...I never thought of turning it upside down. But alas, the eye of the beholder comes between us bro. What I see in that orientation is not of Cuban fare, but rather, I see a hairy Buddha swatting a flying spaghetti monster. However, this may be even better...two divines for the price of one.
Bella---I tried to post a comment on your blog with the heaven clothes question. I wouldn't let me because the word verification had no where to type it in. Here is the comment:
So, best to be buried...in the raw? Wait, are there nudists in that place of which you speak?
Two divine or not two divine? That is the question! Only eBay knows for sure!
too funny; i am so happy to have seen this masterpiece before you cast it out to the unappreciative masses.
Harlequin---Hallelujah sister!
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