This is one of those rare personal posts of mine. Sometimes one needs to...share. Sometimes, ether friends are all one has, or not. Pitiful you say. I agree.
OK, got that out of the way because I am going to try to keep this from being a raging, screaming, mother of all mother rants.
Two weeks ago...that is TWO weeks ago, my wife's mother's cell phone went south (why is it that when something goes bad it goes south? Why not, Northeast?).
Why do we care about the defunct phone? Because we pay for her cell phone...it's on our Verizon account, that's why.
My wife calls her square turd $95,000 per annum single professor brother for help in getting her a new phone and he tells us he can't spring for it. It seems his stocks are all tied up at the moment (In case you are wondering, he lives in Arizona and votes...yep...the big R...just sayin'). That was his stocks...not his socks. He didn't mention his panties which are usually all tied up in a wad, as well. I am sure there is a connection of some sort there.
Well the woman is crippled with MS and Addisons Disease and needs a phone. She has no land line, just the cell. Even though we are really not able to absorb this, we have to help her. We'll cut back on our electric bill and double up next month.
With the finances of it figured out, we go to one of my favorite corporations...Verizon and get her a new, basic, unimproved phone, which is ok because we don't want to overload her electronic repertoire any way. There is a $50 rebate which we can apply to the bill, but even at that, we still owe $75. Tough shit, but we do the right thing. Besides, we don't like our children spending the night over there with no phone available.
Our youngest daughter usually goes to my MIL's on Friday after school and spends the night. We call before we take her over. Today we could not get an answer, which worried me a bit. We drove over anyway. My oldest daughter helped the young one get her toys, clothes and shit to the door. Meanwhile my wife called me to tell me she is on the way home, and oh, by the way, the YMCA which is where we are having the little one's birthday party tomorrow (pool party) has lost our $75 check. LOST....FUCKING LOST? We need to write another check. My ass. I know how that shit goes...we write a new check, the old one shows up...and now the YMCA has $150 of our money and it is a muther to get straightened out. Did I mention that the party is tomorrow??????? With all of her invited friends showing up in bathing suits and anticipating water fun and cake?
I know about this lost check shit because that exact scenario occurred last month with the Lincoln Electric Company. They lost our check. We wrote a new one (and I might add, they implied that we lied about writing the first check...majorly pissed me off). Next day the old one showed up on our bank account...right under the new one...both deducted. Being an average American couple with children, we pretty much go from check to check and a prayer (even though we don't believe in unseen spirits and talking snakes). We can't absorb this sort of fuck up...not for long, at any rate.
As I am talking to my wife about the YMCfuckeruppers, My oldest daughter comes to the car and is ranting something about granma's phone. I tell my wife to hold on. The older daughter tells me, the reason we can't get the MIL on the phone is that....THAT....MUTTTERFUCKING, THAT...MIL had her phone in her pants pocket and decided to hand wash the pants in the sink. That's correct...she did not..............GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR...............take the phone out of the pocket. I tell the older daughter to run tell her Gmother to DO NOT...DO NOT...TURN THE PHONE ON!
Yep...too late...too late...too late. See, the problem with a wet phone is, water conducts electricity and well, batteries are...um...electric...and...they short out in the presence of...WATER. H2oh, which tends to fry things like...eggs...bacon...steaks...PHONES.
I am getting ill just relating this to you.
Do not any of you try to call me this weekend. My MIL has MY phone, and I am sure you DO NOT want to talk to her...as do I...not.
Posted by Job, Friday, September the un-thirteenth, 2011