The Man Who Would Save America

AKA...the man who would fool all of the people all of the time...if he could. How about you?



In dishonor of his "Save the honor of America" rally in D.C. today...or whatever the fuck it's called... here are some of his more well thought out quotes (the bold statements after the quote are mine...mine...mine, mofos):



It's a real blessing for me to tell you, sir, that cavalry has arrived - Fox is here!
Ready to slaugther the Indians, no doubt.

The most used phrase in my administration if I were to be President would be "What the hell you mean we're out of missiles?"
Itty Bitty Penis Diplomacy?

'You have the artwork of Mussolini there, here in New York at Rockefeller Plaza.''
—Glenn Beck, analyzing the artwork decorating Rockefeller Plaza, which he said contained a hammer and sickle, Glenn Beck show on FOX News Channel, Sept. 2, 2009.
Let's see...Mussolini = Founder of the Facist Party...Hammer and Sickle = communist Russia...yep, makes perfect sense, Glenn.

'God is giving a plan I think to me that is not really a plan. ... The problem is that I think the plan that the Lord would have us follow is hard for people to understand. ... Because of my track record with you who have been here for a long time. Because of my track record with you, I beg of you to help me get this message out, and I beg of you to pray for clarity on my part.''
—Glenn Beck, ''The Glenn Beck Program,'' April 20, 2010
That clears it up for me. Not so sure God understands though.

'I'm thinking about killing Michael Moore, and I'm wondering if I could kill him myself, or if I would need to hire somebody to do it. ... No, I think I could. I think he could be looking me in the eye, you know, and I could just be choking the life out. Is this wrong?''
—Glenn Beck, responding to the question 'What would people do for $50 million?', 'The Glenn Beck Program,' May 17, 2005
Nope, not wrong at all Glenn. That's exactly what Jesus would do. No shit, dude...kill a liberal for Christ.

''I haven't seen Jesus and what he would do on a talk show on Fox, but I'm going to try.''
—Glenn Beck, FOX News Channel's Glenn Beck show, April 21, 2010
Uh huuuuuh. I see. Hmmmmm.

''Advocating through art is known as propaganda. You should look up the name Goebbels. ''
—Glenn Beck, on the National Endowment for the Arts, Fox News's Glenn Beck show, Nov. 3, 2009
Yes, that famous German Abstract Expressionist, er...Josef Goebbels. He did "The Scream", or some such shit based on one of those death camps, or like, you know.

''Fall to your knees and thank God for Fox News. Pray for Roger Ailes and Rupert Murdoch. Pray for them. Pray for strength and spine, and pray that everybody involved has chicken salad for lunch so it doesn't clog any body's arteries. Keep them going.''
—Glenn Beck, asking listeners to pray for Ailes and Murdoch because they protect Fox from ''the outside world,'' The Glenn Beck Program, May 27, 2010
Oh, fuck Glenn, I misunderstood...I misread...I prayed for chicken shit and massive lard...OH MY GOD!

''When I see a 9/11 victim family on television, or whatever, I'm just like, 'Oh shut up' I'm so sick of them because they're always complaining.''
—Glenn Beck on his radio show, Sept. 9, 2005
This is so fucking reprehensible that I am going to shut my mouth...shithead, asshole, motherfucking, son of a pig whore. Seriously, Glenn...eat shit and set yourself afire.

''Because if you are a white human that loves America and happens to be a Christian, forget about it, Jack.''
—Glenn Beck, whining about how everyone hates him, April 2, 2007
I thought it was get out the back Jack. Or, do it in the back door, Glenn. I can never remember these things.

''I went to the movie this weekend with a gun. And surprise, surprise, I didn't kill anybody!''
I have a suggestion of what to do with that weapon, Glenn.
Wait a minute...you went to the movies with a gun? A gun? Are you fucking kidding me? Have you been taking some of Rush's pain pills? You dumb fuck!

''You have three people in the White House that are in love with eugenics or whatever it is you would call it today. ... Please dear God, read history. Please dear God read the truth of what these people have said in their own words, and ask yourself this one question: Do you trust these people enough to give them control over who lives and who dies? Because that's what health care is when you have no other choice but to go to the state.''
—Glenn Beck, comparing health care reform to Nazi eugenics
I don't have a clue as to what the fuck he is saying here. Did God tell you to utter this batshit stuff, Glenn?

''I am not a polarizing guy.''
—Glenn Beck, to Jay Leno
Har! Nor a fear-monger. Or hate-merchant. Or charlatan. Or opportunist. Or very rich man, riding in a golden veeeeeeeeehicle by the name of Silver Cloud. Nope!

''I say on the air all time, 'if you take what I say as gospel, you're an idiot.''
—Glenn Beck, New York Times, March 29, 2009
The very first thing I have ever agreed with, Glenn baby.

And in closing, here then is a photo of a Rolls Royce, Silver Cloud model.


ADDENDUM...8/29/10:

Posting this in the comments and as an addendum to the post itself:

Today:

"I have a big fat mouth sometimes and I say things," Beck said during an interview with Fox News Sunday host Chris Wallace.

The big fat mouth was referring to calling President Obama a racist last year.

Big fat mouth, Glenn? Really? Hey...stick a salami in it feces for brains!

A Tale of Skinny and Smokey

NOTICE-THIS IS AN EQUAL OPPORTUNITY TONGUE-IN-CHEEK BLOG.

I was waiting for my oldest daughter to get out of middle school today. I usually go about 30 minutes early, and sit in the car and read. It wasn't a hot day, about 80 degrees. I had the windows open, enjoying the warm before the snow and sleet hit the fan next month or so...breathing the fresh air, and reading my book.

Interrupting my revelry is an obnoxious muffler and I look up to see an old geezer...most likely about my age...but taunt, skinny, sunken cheeks...old. Not the noble, Buddha type, mellow JJ old...with a noble Roman nose, and pleasant attitude to all whom he meets, type old. No, he was barroom fly, gnarled, near death, gravel voice, skinny stink, drawers sticking to his crotch, old...and, driving a honker Ford F250 pick up. I am 99.9% sure he had no teeth.

(Skinny old man depicted below):

Before someone takes me to task for the F250 derogatory comment, I want to tell you, I have owned two pick-up trucks, both of which were little ol' Toyotas...before Toyota caved into the American indulgence of gas ass sucking 8 cylinder, 4 wheel drive, kick your fucking ass if you can't pull a goddamn cruise ship to the local lake, pick-up mania.

My Toyotas both were itty bitty. The first one, a 1984 SR5, was called, "A Sports Car In Disguise" by the Toy people...and it was. I loved that truck...a four cylinder, which got about 25 mile mph...this was good in 1984. I drove that sweetie to 275,000 miles. By contrast, the Ford F250 gets about, 2.5 mph. It was meant to haul a gaggle of elephants and several sacks of peanuts at the same time...and any of the Boeing 700 series airliners. Damn a bunch of gas mileage. See what I mean?

I have also been taken to task in the past for judging someone according to his (never her) wheels. But one must understand, I lived in Southern Cal several years, and in Southern Cal, Californians know a very simple truth...you are what you drive. So I for one, have never known a true thinking person, with whom I had any iota of commiseration, who drove a Ford petrol sucking F250. Never. I am sure there are exceptions to the rule. But puhleeeeeeeeeze...don't even bring it up. I don't give a shit. Ford F250s are driven, FOR THE MOST PART, by egocentric morons.

Of course, he parks directly opposite me, on the other side of the street...going in the opposite direction that the school would like parents picking up their children...to go. If there are vehicles going the other way on the narrow street, it is a nightmare when one is trying to get away after pick-up...Five Star shithead, for that alone...and he gets 3 more stars for being butt ass ugly.

Probably I should have prefaced this post with...I quit smoking almost ten years ago, after a lifetime of smoking. I dodged the cancer bullet, but clogged my pipes, and had to be reamed out...and, I have a stint implanted in my neck. But...other than that, free and clear. Well, OK, there is the arthritis thing which was probably triggered by...never mind.

I am sitting there, expanding my mind and my lungs, when I realized that my lungs were not expanding and actually hurting. I look across the street and see that the dried skin geezer is smoking, and the smoke is drifting my way. I look at him...look at the cigarette...back at his eyes...he looks away...but...does not put out the cigarette, or roll up his window. Now I need to decide whether saying something...or, walking across the street and grabbing the SOB by the throat and killing him, because I can, and because I know all of the deadly pressure points in the human body...or, some other mode of action is appropriate.

I decide that my daughter will be out of school soon, and we are trying to teach her to be a gentle but questioning soul...and...killing this mother fucker, probably is not a good object lesson (even though smoking in this day and age is definitely a killing matter.) Not to mention, I don't want to go to prison. Or even county jail. Or even a Mayberry jail, for that matter...and my daughter would have to walk the 18 blocks home.

I take the wanker, I am older and wiser, option. I start the car...roll up the windows...turn on the A/C...and...seethe...casting kill visuals every few minutes, his way. He knows. He definitely knows that I am a recessed violent person and that my main brain wants to commit violent acts...on him. He knows. I know he knows...he knows I know he knows, and part of me wants him to open his no lipped mouth and say something. Part of me. But he doesn't.

And now here I am, sitting there, waiting for my beautiful daughter, introspecting, and who-hawing my psyche and wondering just why I want to end this miserable cretin's life, or at the very least, stick that cigarette in his hairy nose...lighted end, up. Because I realized that my inclination was to confront this Old Milwaukee guzzler. I wanted to yell in his haired ear that I did not quit the weed many long years ago just to be fucked up by his weedness, sorry ass. And that his liberties do not include causing the misery of others. And then after killing him I want to know just who in hell did he vote for...assuming that his sorry butt could read well enough to vote. But I know, KNOW, mind you, exactly who he voted for. Because it was at that moment of realization that I noticed the sticker. That sticker. The one that really gets me going, even more than tobac smoke...in my face. The one that speaks of liberty, and rights, and how we all should attend presidential speeches with our side arms, strapped around our dicks, because GOD says Jesus would have. The NRA sticker and it's companion sticker..."This truck protected by Smith and Wesson." It is at this point that I realize, he is sitting there thinking, "if that motherfucker says one word, I am going to blow his fucking sorry ass away." Meaning, me.

Sometimes, one has to adjust, and punt, and shut the fuck up.