Showing posts with label snakeoil. Show all posts
Showing posts with label snakeoil. Show all posts

Saturday, August 28, 2010

The Man Who Would Save America

AKA...the man who would fool all of the people all of the time...if he could. How about you?



In dishonor of his "Save the honor of America" rally in D.C. today...or whatever the fuck it's called... here are some of his more well thought out quotes (the bold statements after the quote are mine...mine...mine, mofos):



It's a real blessing for me to tell you, sir, that cavalry has arrived - Fox is here!
Ready to slaugther the Indians, no doubt.

The most used phrase in my administration if I were to be President would be "What the hell you mean we're out of missiles?"
Itty Bitty Penis Diplomacy?

'You have the artwork of Mussolini there, here in New York at Rockefeller Plaza.''
—Glenn Beck, analyzing the artwork decorating Rockefeller Plaza, which he said contained a hammer and sickle, Glenn Beck show on FOX News Channel, Sept. 2, 2009.
Let's see...Mussolini = Founder of the Facist Party...Hammer and Sickle = communist Russia...yep, makes perfect sense, Glenn.

'God is giving a plan I think to me that is not really a plan. ... The problem is that I think the plan that the Lord would have us follow is hard for people to understand. ... Because of my track record with you who have been here for a long time. Because of my track record with you, I beg of you to help me get this message out, and I beg of you to pray for clarity on my part.''
—Glenn Beck, ''The Glenn Beck Program,'' April 20, 2010
That clears it up for me. Not so sure God understands though.

'I'm thinking about killing Michael Moore, and I'm wondering if I could kill him myself, or if I would need to hire somebody to do it. ... No, I think I could. I think he could be looking me in the eye, you know, and I could just be choking the life out. Is this wrong?''
—Glenn Beck, responding to the question 'What would people do for $50 million?', 'The Glenn Beck Program,' May 17, 2005
Nope, not wrong at all Glenn. That's exactly what Jesus would do. No shit, dude...kill a liberal for Christ.

''I haven't seen Jesus and what he would do on a talk show on Fox, but I'm going to try.''
—Glenn Beck, FOX News Channel's Glenn Beck show, April 21, 2010
Uh huuuuuh. I see. Hmmmmm.

''Advocating through art is known as propaganda. You should look up the name Goebbels. ''
—Glenn Beck, on the National Endowment for the Arts, Fox News's Glenn Beck show, Nov. 3, 2009
Yes, that famous German Abstract Expressionist, er...Josef Goebbels. He did "The Scream", or some such shit based on one of those death camps, or like, you know.

''Fall to your knees and thank God for Fox News. Pray for Roger Ailes and Rupert Murdoch. Pray for them. Pray for strength and spine, and pray that everybody involved has chicken salad for lunch so it doesn't clog any body's arteries. Keep them going.''
—Glenn Beck, asking listeners to pray for Ailes and Murdoch because they protect Fox from ''the outside world,'' The Glenn Beck Program, May 27, 2010
Oh, fuck Glenn, I misunderstood...I misread...I prayed for chicken shit and massive lard...OH MY GOD!

''When I see a 9/11 victim family on television, or whatever, I'm just like, 'Oh shut up' I'm so sick of them because they're always complaining.''
—Glenn Beck on his radio show, Sept. 9, 2005
This is so fucking reprehensible that I am going to shut my mouth...shithead, asshole, motherfucking, son of a pig whore. Seriously, Glenn...eat shit and set yourself afire.

''Because if you are a white human that loves America and happens to be a Christian, forget about it, Jack.''
—Glenn Beck, whining about how everyone hates him, April 2, 2007
I thought it was get out the back Jack. Or, do it in the back door, Glenn. I can never remember these things.

''I went to the movie this weekend with a gun. And surprise, surprise, I didn't kill anybody!''
I have a suggestion of what to do with that weapon, Glenn.
Wait a minute...you went to the movies with a gun? A gun? Are you fucking kidding me? Have you been taking some of Rush's pain pills? You dumb fuck!

''You have three people in the White House that are in love with eugenics or whatever it is you would call it today. ... Please dear God, read history. Please dear God read the truth of what these people have said in their own words, and ask yourself this one question: Do you trust these people enough to give them control over who lives and who dies? Because that's what health care is when you have no other choice but to go to the state.''
—Glenn Beck, comparing health care reform to Nazi eugenics
I don't have a clue as to what the fuck he is saying here. Did God tell you to utter this batshit stuff, Glenn?

''I am not a polarizing guy.''
—Glenn Beck, to Jay Leno
Har! Nor a fear-monger. Or hate-merchant. Or charlatan. Or opportunist. Or very rich man, riding in a golden veeeeeeeeehicle by the name of Silver Cloud. Nope!

''I say on the air all time, 'if you take what I say as gospel, you're an idiot.''
—Glenn Beck, New York Times, March 29, 2009
The very first thing I have ever agreed with, Glenn baby.

And in closing, here then is a photo of a Rolls Royce, Silver Cloud model.


ADDENDUM...8/29/10:

Posting this in the comments and as an addendum to the post itself:

Today:

"I have a big fat mouth sometimes and I say things," Beck said during an interview with Fox News Sunday host Chris Wallace.

The big fat mouth was referring to calling President Obama a racist last year.

Big fat mouth, Glenn? Really? Hey...stick a salami in it feces for brains!