Sunday, March 22, 2009

Gas Attack!

From an article I read on RealAge:

"The average person passes gas about 14 times a day, and normally it doesn’t smell bad. But what about when it does?

Here’s one tip. Go easy on eggs, meat, beer, beans, and cauliflower. They all release nose-assaulting hydrogen sulfide when broken down by bacteria in the gut."

OK, so this is really a public service post. So sue me. If you are interested in more gaseous things and how to avoid them, and possibly save your job, or your marriage, or a really, really, really serious liaison with that person you met in the parking lot of Wal-Mart over the weekend...then go HERE.

If you already know all these anti-gaseous food facts...as I do...as my wife will NOT attest to...then maybe you would like to share one of your embarrassing opposite sex (or same sex, if that's your thing) gas attack stories with the rest of us...such as the one I'm not going to share with you now.

My mama didn't raise no fooooool. Do you seriously think I am going to relate to you embarrassing fart stories with other women other than my wife...in a place where her friends (and you who have twittered me know who you are) can read it and report to her that I contaminated the ozone with other women, in compromising situations?

Get a life, nose-assaulting hydrogen whores.

15 comments:

Lou said...

Could share a couple of tales but my ma didn't raise a shameless idiot neither :-)

emd said...

Well well well...I see we meet again! You can run but you can't hide! (Damn. I just spilled hot sauce on my keyboard. Grrr...)

You know why farts smell?

So deaf people can enjoy, them too!

jadedj said...

Lou---less shameless than I, apparently :)

EMD! where the deuce have you been. I thought you were vaporized into the nether ether forever.

The handicap considerate of the handicap.

And of course this seasonal one...what is invisible, and smells like carrots...

OK, this is what I've been wanting to ask you, yea these three months or so: I found some great Civil War photos on line of a railroad yard. I thought, emd would probably enjoy these, so I went to post them on my blog, in your honor, and guess what...there was no JS to post them on...forever. Did you have anything to do with the demise of Journal Space?

mr-stu said...

There are always the lift ones where you fart as you step out leaving whoever is in here to take the blame!

jadedj said...

mr-stu---It's a dirty job,somebody's got to do it.

Doug said...

This one has nothing to do with compromising positions. I was waiting for a bus with Wifey, my back to a brick wall. I tried for a Single Cheek Sneak, but I got a Roundhouse Reverberator...

Wifey walked away.

jadedj said...

Doug---Har! Yep, done in every time you try to hide it.

J.T's Tale said...

Your wife needs to see this post to read in between the lines.

J.T's Tale said...

:)

jadedj said...

J.T.---my wife wrote it.

jadedj said...

:-)

Judy said...

Haha! Don't forget about the sugar-free foods! If you eat more than the recommended servings, it will be verrrrry verrrry stinky!

(Speaking from experience.) I try to hide out till the explosions are finished, LOL!

jadedj said...

Judy---good reason to get out the chocolate :)

Punch said...

What about stinky feet. Not Little Feat, no smelly feet?

jadedj said...

Punch---I believe this is how the Spanish Armada was de-feated.